A lot of stuffs goin on..

Where to start.. where to start..

Well as the New Year has been stretching on, I've received more revelations from God.. as well as trying to get myself out of long-time ruts and getting myself into new ones. It's become clear to me that I have the same heart as Peter, stepping out of the boat, eager to follow footsteps of Christ. But just like him, my eyes have gone to the black waves at my every side, I've confided with reasonings of the world, and so my courage has been flooded with fear. I've become all too familiar with the claws of anxiety Peter may have felt in that time of stepping out.

Yet Gods' mercy's are new every morning. He's promised me that there's no condemnation for me, only love in His heart to draw me near. Drawing near. To Christ Jesus. I've been desiring it but not feeling the strength to hold myself up in the path He leads me down. The sacrifice seems too great. The pain seems all too real and.. disturbing. Stepping into the 'unknown' looks too fearsome. I hate being uncomfortable, hate putting myself out there in the first place with fear that I won't be consistent to carry out whatever I've started. So I'm clashing about, trying to find anything my hand can get a hold of to keep me above the swallowing waters. Fear of suffocating in all this grips my heart so much it bleeds. For awhile I've felt like this. Jus doing what I can in each day to 'get by'.. the bare minimum sometimes so I can reserve my strength for when I really need it. My eyes are opened to those around me as well, they're drowning too. I feel like I need to save myself before I can be any help to them. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do except to pray "Help!" My ears shut out God's voice, my heart has hardened more than I knew, my eyes don't want to see anymore. It's all too much. The numbing voice of the world lingers in my mind, I jus want to hear God's voice.. sometimes I'm too eager to speak for God, saying this or that is the problem. God help me to succeed in what you call me to, whether small or big. Help me to complete Your heart's desires. Help me to look through your eyes, know your heart, hear your words, live your ways. And always walk in it, that even on these black, wavy waters, I'll remain on top and be with You.
It all starts with you Jesus, I know. Jus show me how. I pray a prayer of your will and not mine. I see a very blurry vision of what you want me to do, I pray as Jesus prayed, give me strength. Your are my rod and my staff. You are the Author of Life, you wrote this story of Salvation. You are the Finisher of my Faith and You are not done. Thank you Jesus. Your grace and mercie's are my wings. I hold your love in my heart, you keep it beating, you keep me breathing. I'll wait for you Jesus.
Amen.

Something to think about.

If you live wrong, you can't die right~ Billy Sunday

An old thing I wrote..

WIND
Imagine the wind. Don't just imagine it, but feel it. It is light and gentle. Pleasant, feeling nice against your skin, and caressing your face. Now imagine you're up on a vast mountain. Seen from afar, you're just a little dot in the snow. People don't know the danger that lurks. You're held with pieces of rope, and toggles that are wedged into the cracks. The toggles could burst at any moment. You're hanging there hoping they wouldn't give way as the wind gets colder, and nips at your nose. The wind seems to be blowing harder the higher you get. The sun that gave you warmth is hidden behind a slope. You're in the shade, feeling colder, and energy is drawn, but determination drives you with the urge to summit. Minutes fly by as you huff and puff, finally you've reached the top of the cliff. The wind becomes harsh, almost blowing you off. You cling on with one hand, it aches to hold on, and your hand is getting weak, stinging with pain. You struggle to reach something to step on with your foot, and swing yourself so that your hand reaches a rock to grip. Will you make it to pull yourself up? The energy to hold on has drained. Will you summit? Will you withstand the wind as you climb higher? We don't know. It's all up to you.

Imagine wind surfing. Gliding on the sparkling water, a girl surfs the waves, and the wind pushes her sail. The cool breeze is pleasant, and ripples the wavering sea. The glaze of whitened water trail behind her, and water splashes. Now picture this: It's a sunny day, no clouds to be seen, the wind is blowing. The sea is beautiful because of the rolling waves to surf, and great for catching some air. Seagulls gather on the beach side, as others dance in the wind up high. Below the girl is the sea world of jellyfish, dolphins and whales that sweep the ocean floor, and mingle in the deep in prey of others. The girl loves to wind surf. The wind flowing through her hair, and makes her feel as though she's flying. You envy her because she looks like she's having so much fun. You're wishing you could be in her place. You've always wanted to try it, but hadn't yet. What's stopping you? You like the light breeze. You'd like to be in the wind. The wind so refreshing and peaceful. Yet, the wind is not always so pleasant...

You're a fisherman out at sea. You humbly rock in the waves, and bring in your catch. The breeze blowing faster then it had an hour ago. You look to the sky and see clouds rolling in. Your prediction this morning disappoints you because you thought it would be a nice day; the sunlight spilled out over all and birds chirping by your window. But all you can do is sigh and bring the anchor in. Slowly the wind increases, and waves begin to get higher. You hope and pray that you'll get to the safety of your home, and not have to face your fear of a storm. You block out the fear and picture yourself at home, in front of your fireplace. The light given off in golden glow charms your living room and gives comfort to your soul. You wish you would have stayed home, as you bring back thoughts of you standing at your window looking out at the beautiful day. You see yourself sitting before your fire, the warmth so cuddly it cradles you. But then the splash of water against your window brings you back to earth, and you wonder why the wind couldn't have mercy on you. You mutter under your breathe, and take control. Hours it seems that the battle goes on, the weather worsens with every minute that goes by, and the wind is deafening to your ears. You take hold of what you can to hold on, as cans, bottles and plates slide back and forth. You're wet from water that is splashing coming from everywhere. You look out, and the sea is dark and gloomy. At times, wind catches you off balance, almost throwing you off board, but you're quick in reactions and cling with all you might. Are you going to make it home? The harsh wind is at it's worst. The dark waves are so big, and look as though they'll swallow you. Will the wind calm down and hate no more? You hope that all will cease, and pray that it's just a nightmare and you'll wake up in the warmth of your bed. But... what if it is a dream. Surviving the treacherous storm, wind so vital and harsh. But maybe it's not. That's just it, you don't know.

Now imagine a windmill. Wind flows in and makes things work. It feels like a long day, and you're sitting there watching the wheels go round and round. You feel the whiffs of wind blowing. You stand and close your eyes, arms wide open. Now imagine flying. It's not the love of flying up high or going fast, but just the feel of the wind. It's a feeling you get nowhere else. Just you and the wind....Now put in mind that you're back at the windmill. The place that feels so lonely; just wheels turning, you and the workers on the deserted plain, middle of nowhere. But you like the way it is. There is unexplainable peace. You can walk comfortable 'round the mill. The sound, the low whistling of wind, soothes your heart- it's music surrounds you and you dance...Wind can be so many things. It's pleasant, it's frightening, it's lovely, it's harsh. Wind could be the breathe of God. Wind could be the monstrous hurricane tearing at your house. Wind is everywhere, it's all around us. What is wind to you? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Wind... it's captivating, but taken for granted. The breath taken over this earth, it fits into one of those mysteries- just imagine that.

Check your vital signs.Something stirs you.Some call brings energy to your voice,conviction to your face, and direction to your step.Isolate and embrace it.Nothing gives a daya greater chancethan a good wallop of passion.
Yesterday…forgiven.Tomorrow…surrendered.Today…clarified.Jesus’ design for agood day makes such sense.His grace erases guilt.His oversight removes fear.His direction removes confusion.
Discover this mystery:as you help others face their days,you put life into your own.And life is exactlywhat many people need.
Words from Max Lucado.

Today, I will make a difference.

When we see as God wants us to see,

we see heaven’s hand in the midst of sickness,

Jesus working on a troubled youth,

the Holy Spirit comforting a broken heart.

We see with faith, and since faith begets hope,

we of all people are hope filled.

For we know there is more to life

than what meets the eye.

- from Every Day Deserves a Chance -

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.
I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.
I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… . I will get up. It’s OK to fail… . I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.
I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.
Today I will make a difference.

From Shaped by God Copyright (Tyndale House, 2002) Max Lucado

"I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences... be my masters. " Yes, so many times I choose to let the smallest things trip me up. I choose to let the anger own me in that day.
But if my Yes is to God, would I not let Him be my Control in every moment too?
"I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me... I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant... When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever." Yes, many times I find that I slack in my days. I guess I can say that speaks the same for my Faith as well. My habits will tell a lot about me. Guess I will have to discipline myself more. Thank you Lord that I can come to you as a child. Help me to have more courage. As a giant. I've always been afraid to ask for courage cuz then I'm put in places where I have to work my courage. Today will be gone forever after tomorrow, so have to make the most of my days.
"I will not let past failures haunt me... refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… . I will get up. It’s OK to fail… . I will rise again." I love that. I will rise again, because I can rise again. Past failures plague me at every time I'm called to be courageous.. whatever the situation. Thankfully, no failure is fatal. To me. To my Faith. Even in that, God is with me.
So seeing though my Maker's eyes, one who knows and sees all, I can trust in his judgement calls in life situations, and I can take hope in His promises because He sees them happening in the future if I jus rest in His Lordship.

It's nice to know...

We’re important, but not essential;
valuable, but not indispensable.
We have a part in the play, but we are not the main act.
A song to sing, but we are not the featured voice.
God is.

Mark it down. You will never go where God is not.
You may be transferred, enlisted, commissioned, reassigned, or hospitalized –
but brand this on your heart – you can never go where God is not.
“I am with you always,” Jesus promised.
Matthew 28:20 NKJV

- by Max Lucado - - from Every Day Deserves a Chance -

Undivided attention?

Day 2
Two types of voices command your attention today. Negative ones fill your mind with doubt, bitterness, and fear. Positive ones purvey hope and strength. Which one will you choose to heed? You have a choice, you know. “We take every thought captive so that it is obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5 God’s Word).
- by Max Lucado - -
from Every Day Deserves a Chance -

Longing to give Him everything

I know the Lord is good. Still, often I wonder if I really knew that He is good. If I really did then, trusting in Him would be no problem.
I think I know it in my mind, but actually moving out, in faith, with spirit and body as one, I know I have at least a "few times" in my life. And it was more than great. Everytime I have though, it's been no strength of mine. Somehow when I've done something, energy I haven't had before gives me strength to do whatever task is at hand. And everytime stepping out is was HARD. Think it's probably been one of those situations where a kid is about to jump off a book-case, closes her eyes, sticks her foot out, goes for it and prays to God that she can fly.
Only I know God's given me wings. And I'm under His wing.
I been observing awhile, watching everyone else try their wings out, afraid to use mine. Fear brings images of failure, intimidation, unworthyness to mind whenever I get even an inkling of courage to move towards taking that step to fly.
Everyone else looks gorgeously glorious in their faith, it's evident God is with them.
Is God with me?
Somehow or other, at times I wonder that, I always receive a message saying "Yes..."
"I'm here."
Williams Lake is... those sharp rocks and branches below me. Soaring above them, did seem difficult at a time. But I know I don't go down there alone, my Father's wing is right close.
And so far at Teacapan, God's used that to get me off the nest 'n take jumps of faith. After all, I have Maria there to ask me more about Faith and God. And before entering those doors at work, God's answered those prayers I've prayed of strength, grace, mercy, faith, trust and joy.
I've felt His blessings and living those blessings..
joy has been my strength and so everyday I love to hear that song "Today, I choose You, I give my yes to you", everday it's been easier to lift my arms, praise Him where I'm at. Even if I hadn't accomplished a lot, even when I've done too much, my God here's my songs. I don't sing all that well, I sound like more a turkey than a song-bird haha. Guess that doesn't count to a God who's created me as I am. I can sing other ways and that's just the way God likes it~

Singing my song

How can I describe my life as it has been so far? It's been pretty blessed so far.. kind of like walking the steady uphill journey with the gifts of mtns, rivers, chirping birds 'n joyous songs being sung from within with all my heart:)
Gah.. I can't even describe it. The Lord has been good to me. In my job. In my friendships. His works taking place in my own life.
'Cause honestly, I dunno what the past year was about. Discouraged, tired and exhausted in heart... things are looking up though and I feel God tellin' me that He will let me know in time what that was about.
I think it's the magic word of submission.
Giving my "Yes" to God everyday.

Today I have a meeting with Marilyn, Alta, Mary 'n Dr Theissen about Youth Outreach. I'm excited. I was doing some brainstorming late last night as to what we are doing within that Outreach.. highlighting key things God's been teaching me (integrating them into this), and awesome stuff like outdoor recreation, art, cooking etc as activities.

It's honestly relief that I'm helping someone else with this dream instead of... me guiding it. Jus because I feel like I need to be under someone else's wing before I feel steady enough to do it on my own. Speaking of which, Nemiah is looking for a Youth Worker right now too. Roger was hinting it big last night lol when we went out to the movies with Colten, Brit, Cheryl 'n Kayla
The thing is though, right now.. I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be. Taking the Youth job means moving out to Nemiah 'n I kinda want to move there in Sept or even hold that off another year.
Another thing to toss into that is the fact that I want to take my Hair-design/Esthetics program ASAP, so I can get that out of the way 'n even do that job in Williams Lake (or wherever).
Commitin' it to prayer.
That's the answer.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. ~Confucius

Teacapan Authentic Mexican Restaurant

As of this past Tuesday, I started working at this new Mexican Restaurant they have here in Williams Lake. And I happen to know the people, David and Juanita.
I know it was a God-planned-this thing because I jus ran into David 'n his family at the mall and he asked me if I was still working. I told him I was looking for another job 'n he asked me "Want to work tomorrow??" Ha, this past weekend was their BIG opening.
Working at Sam's helped me to be comfortable here 'n know what to do, woot woot! It's been awesome gettin' to know the staff already 'n I'm goin to learn how to cook home-made Mexican Food!!! Yo's jealous, I can feel it. lol jus kidden.
Oh, hey, I made tortilla chips yesterday;) Well not flour-baking powder-oven style, but I cut them up 'n fried 'em. Exciting exciting I know.

For now, me 'n Cheryl are goin' to head off to Discipleship right now. Actually now... we're late!