randoms

feeling goofy, trevy & i.

isn't he a cutie? I get to bug him all summer looooong:)

..... i look like a dinosaur.

creating me list:
-eat first. dinner is ready:) brb

-continue cleaning in the house. hopefully make some progress in our disastrous looking basement, all our stuff from Abby is stuffed into every space found

-make plans as to what colors we may use to paint our walls (us girl's room be painted for sure. we've had gorgeous weather, hope that'll continue)

&

also which pictures of ours we could use to stick up

-bug dad to put in new shower wall

-bug dad to go hunting this summer:D

-plan meals for next 2 weeks so we know what we need when we get our grub in WL (yes, we drive 2 1/2 hours every weekend for groceries, for those who don't know)

-put my clothes where they belong... they tend to be thrown everywhere

-call the Tanis's, they're here for the summer! Our niece Jayell will hopefully be out here too!

-get some nights out of the week planned (family game night, small-groups girls night deal... mon-wed's are gym nights, yay!)

my day tomorrow...

-shower

-interviewed after 9am for my summer job. i may be into carpentry. wohoo! out in the sun. or either i'll be w/ my Mum (a.k.a. deskwork & lotta organizing). that's ok. wear my pretty dresses.

-go to beach

-more house clean-up

Hum hum hummmmmmmmm, 's all that comes to mind for now.

Will all this get done? Maybe not tomorrow. This week! I say that and it probably won't happen. But I'm working on it.

I love this shirt I saw in Abby,

"Slacker Unite! ... maybe tomorrow". (SOMETHING like that)

It was just funny. But yeah... slacking, procrastinating, excuses= evil. I don't like evil. Away with evil. Go away evil.

Through New Doors

I am back home, and it is definitely a different feeling than I have had before. This time I will be here through the summer AND into September. Weird.
Before everything seemed ‘short term’ with being in Nemiah for only the summer and going back to school in Sept- built into the community in ‘little ways’. Now… don’t think that has changed. Much. I know I’m always expecting to see and do ‘the great things’ in life. The great things are in the small things. That’s what I’m taking up for myself. Mother Theresa had said “You can’t do great things. Only small things with great love”.
“..WITH Great Love” has been the words being chiseled into my heart since I’ve got here.

I feared coming back here. Afraid that my old patterns of life would set in and there would be no motivation to let God use me. The deepest of me didn’t want to come back, at the same time, I really did. Mostly, I guess I didn’t feel ready to come back. Not prepared enough. Not willing enough. Not empowered enough.
I’m really good at making excuses.
But God tells me “So was Moses, so was Caleb, so were a lot of people…” (at making excuses).
“But you don’t know the plans I have for you. Not until you give yourself into my hands. Surrender. Trust Me. Hope in me. LOVE me.”

The past month I really been in the slumps. Scraping the bottom of the barrel (spiritually) so to speak. Sometimes I would just ‘wake up’ and be like “..WHY do I feel like this?” Feeling stupid when sometimes it would hit me, my reality is in Jesus, I’m in His Kingdom. “No scheme of man or power of evil can overcome my God or lord over me”. The life Jesus leads is not fantasy. It’s real.
And I am in His hands. (And really, what better place could I be.)
I thank God for people who could coach me through it.

Now, me being here, it’s no longer a fear, no longer just a “job” being here. I have red* one of Max Lucado’s chapter on letting God into every room of my soul. With air-conditioning you open vents of your home so the cool air circulates all areas of the house, the rooms that are open anyway. And this really did something for me. Was really weird. I found it so hard to give Everything up to God, and surrender all of me. But I just felt my soul let it’s walls down:) Doors were being opened within me.
I really feel refreshed:)

His waters are rushing over my parched, thirsty and hungry soul.

All I know is that everything turns out for the best. God has lived up to His fame these past few years: Faithfulness. In all my uncertainty, I know I can trust Him.

I wanted so much to get out into the world, instead of staying home, God provided. I didn’t even know where Abbotsford was, and there was a family there where God coordinated that we would be a blessing for them as they were a blessing to us.
We needed a place to board, they opened their home up to us. 5 years later, I know we can still go back there and we have a ‘second set of parents’ and another bro to bug!

Throughout my highschool, feeling drawn out and no energy spiritually. God provided.
After graduation, that fear creeps up in me “What am I going to do now???” I didn’t know that my first year college would be one of the best years of my life. Strengthening the ‘foundations of my Faith’, I didn’t know where this Faith came from. Now I feel stronger because I know ‘a bit more’.

I didn’t know how Lifeteams would be, and that too, became another one of the best years of my life. God provided. I came away with 12 friends who I’ll have for life and practical ways of living out my faith everyday. It was a hard year, but I been sharpened. That’s our verse of the year: “As Iron sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another”.

My last year at CBC this year, uncertain and wondering how it would be, again I hit a really good year. God provided.

So now I’m standing at a new door. At the moment it feels like A LOT of doors I could walk through. Question is which door. I’m kind of feeling it out. Dipping my toes into where I feel the water is right.

I talked with Tim Wade of Williams Lake YFC, one person down, few more to go. I’ve got to call some peop’s from a church.. maybe work there?
When comes close to school, people at the schools?

Meh, God will provide. (I will forgive you if you close out of this window because of so much 'providing' words.. don't mean to stimulate you guys' eyes with it so much teehee)

We came into Williams Lake on Wednesday from Princeton, that felt weird. Me ‘n Yo had a really good talk on our way into Nemiah. That was SO good. It was about Love:)
I continue to have a deeper sense of that word.

When we got to the lookout, just before you hit the valley, there was a beautiful sunset all around us. We took that as a welcome home gift. Joy flood into me as I whispered “I’m home”.

Came back to Williams Lake this past weekend, that felt really good:) I felt right at home and there was an excitement in me saying “There’s good things for me here”.

(Through that door) Maybe I’ve already walked through it. Think I have.

K, thoughts are over, I'm out. Be watching a movie with my lil bro.

Greeted at home with...

a beautiful sunset and lovely smiles!

We went from Abby to Princeton to Williams Lake and here we are at Nemiah. Finally! Kiss the ground at my door step I would have but I was too excited and too tired. I settled with going camera crazy. We had 5 busy days at National Conference which was held at Rock Ridge Canyon 'Resort' which is why me 'n Yoyo were in Princeton and why I'm goin to tell you later.

All I'll say is we were crowned as the DISH QUEENS of Summer 2006 (self-proclaimed).
Not only that, there was a lot of laughter, sweating blood, almost-good-as-Jan's-food food, sun-tanning, and inspiring conversations.

Right now my eyes are shribbled half it's size and brain is shutting down for zzzzzzz.

I think Jackie wants her hair done in the morning too. Jackie's my cousin, she's staying with us. She's gradding Grade 9 tomorrow along with Duane and Russ. Grad is at an insanely early hour, 10 AM. Tee hee.

Just kidden.

?Elhqan nanos?in, "see you tomorrow".

Crawling into my own bed now...

Life without the tiptoeing

"All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe.
Run,
hop,
skip,
or dance,
just don't tiptoe".

Above is taken from the book, "The Irresistable Revolution" by Shaine Claiborne (Ch.8). I'll continue on with what he says.
...
In my youth-group days, I had seen all too many wild would-be Jesus radicals fall by the wayside because they had never been trusted with the adventure of revolutionary living.
When I was a youth leader, one of the highschool kids who had "given his life to Jesus" got busted only a few weeks later for having acid in school. I remember asking in disappointment,
"What happened, bro? What went wrong?"
He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I got bored".
Bored?
God forgive us for all those we have lost because we have made the gospel boring. I am convinced that if we lose kids to the culture of drugs and materialism, of violence and war, it's because we don't dare them, not because we don't entertain them.
It's because we make the gospel too easy, not because we make it too difficult.
Kids want to do something heroic with their lives, which is why they play video games and join the army.
But what are they to do with a church that teaches them to tiptoe through life so they can arrive safely at death?
...

The idea that I myself am tiptoeing around in life has stirred something in me. I don't want to be like that. I want to in waiting or moving whenever God has planned a season for it.
Another thing, I want to follow the example of rivers, moving within those boundary lines that it runs. Boundaries is what makes rivers beautiful, is what makes it's beauty.
I don't want to be death-still swamp. No boundaries and layed out ready to dry up.

I want to be hopping, skipping and dancing. Tiptoeing takes too much effort. Haha, at least to me it does.

I hope that in sharing the gospel I won't make it out to be too easy, cause it's not. And I see so much that many want to make something heroic out of their life.
I do. I want my life to mean something and go into something that will last. Something that will be good.

I want to know what you guys think, feel free to comment. Especially my youth if you're reading this! Do keep in touch with me while I'm away. I'll miss you.

So much before me...

This is my prayer today, that Jesus would ''Restore to me the joy of salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (Psalm 51:12)

Feeling a bit achy and my spirits a bit low. Now that I think about this.. asking myself why I should feel this way, and there really is no reason.
It's a beautiful day, I can see a lot of the blue sky.
I have had people around me, last night I had a great visit with highschool pals and today I'm meeting up with Sarah. We haven't hung out in the longest time. She's been on my heart and would like to see how it's been going with her. She's busy with her baby, Andrew.
Lastnight Andrew was declared "D.K.", Drool King, by Kory's sister.

I think mainly it's just that I am 'dragging myself' to be before the Lord. I hate that, it's so selfish. A lot of the time guilt and shame jump all over me and it's just too much.
Maybe it's just changing how I look at prayer.

I am before my King.
The One who has saved me from death.
Saved me from a lot of things.
He sustains me, gives me strength.
When my trust is Him, complete joy rises within and an invinsable confidence is alive in me,
I really love life then.
He is pouring His Holy Spirit like water over my parched soul.
He's holding me in His arms, I have no strength to even hold myself up.

This is a battle after all, satan doesn't like it when we are before the Lord. He knows it is powerful when we are before the Lord.
I saw this on a wall at the Eagles Rest Retreat "Making war on our knees".
At least that's what I think it said. That's what comes up when I try to remember.

But I like that. Cause it's true. I remember there been times where I feel called to pray, you know how a cat's hair rises on it's back when it suspects something, that's my soul wherever I am at.
Then there's just no desire to pray.
No willingness.
A few times I remember, I got so tired of being beat down all the time and hating the fact that I didn't want to pray, so I prayed. I knew it was bad and asked God for forgiveness. I prayed earnestly and put lil strength I had into it and was blown away at what happened.
More strength came in, I didn't know how. I prayed with the authority I had as a child of God, a princess of the Mighty King and claimed strength in the name of Jesus.

I don't know how long I prayed for..

but it was the most amazing experience I have ever had.

There was this sense of 'God-power' over me, I felt like I just won a race and came out on top. I know my soul felt like I was on wings and my Lord lifted me up from all powers of the world.
A warrior was woken up in me, the desire to pray didn't want to leave me, to be before the presence of God was where I wanted to be, no where else.

I feel encouraged even in writing this.

All I know is, there's a great call going out to all God's children in the world to meet in the throne room of God, the angels present, the earth listening,
and very few are found before the throne of God.

There are multitudes of people, many who know Jesus and His power in prayer, yet 10 out of 100 come out. I find that often I'm not in that 10.

Africa

I want to go somewhere. Have my heart broken, be in a place where they don't have everything. A place where they have only their breath and barely beating heart. Will God use me there? Will He lead me to deeper place in His heart that even I cannot bear? A place too broken.
I want to get rid of the pride I have. My arrogance, ripped out of me.
My eyes opened to my own family across the world who are dying.

Will I be called for a lil while to the physically dying? Maybe than I'd see this is only a picture of how we look spiritually?
Where is our soul getting food? Where is it drawing upon water?
Do we just starve ourselves...

I find that when I'm in the midst of physical pain, Im at my worst. I hate everything. Do they feel that there? Even more maybe.. maybe all they see is hope.
Don't know.

And God.. when I am there, teach me to hold on to courage, love and hope, and not let go.

Homesick

I'm missing home. Going through those lonely feelings. Sadness mixed in with all of that.

In that place of longing, sometimes not really knowing what my longing is for, some of it I know...
Uncertain about things in future... my summer back home, September coming up, having that 'man' in my life, what God is working in me now, wanting to see people I miss. Plenty of things... Yeah. Life feels lonely time to time. Longing for Jesus to come back. Now..

My tummy hurts.

We...

went on our adventure to

Eagle Mountain!!!

Janelle, Yoyo, me, 'n Levi.

One of our adventures was climbing the beams on the gazebo.

I didn't make it.

But going down the slides made up for it. I had a buddy to go with me...

I wasn't scared at all...

Ooops!
It turns out that we were quite scared:S
But heyyy look at this familiar "ride"...

Our lil "Blue Bird", our jeep... or at least a jeep wannabe.

(And look who's behind the wheel!)
Someone decided to take over.

Look where THAT got us!

*Shakes fist*

"Boy drivers"

Janelley is STILL smiling.

'N who are these 2 hot chicks?

Ta-daaaa!!!

That's the end of our adventure...

at least 'til a few minutes anyway, we went to Delair Park too!

But THAT you will have to see later;)

We had an incredible night. We started with driving around aimlessly before dinner not knowing yet where to eat lol. Finally when we got all the way across town and then Levi had the brilliant idea of going to Milestones (which was on the other side of town!!! so we had to go back where we started in the first place). We were greeted with "Hello Ladies, would you like to start off with some Belinis?" The expression on our face made her laugh, we were like "... huh?" Yep, we know our alcohol. lol. Food was incredible. Except for some funky sauce on my fish 'n rice. Oh, Yoey and Janelley shared quesidilla's. They were really spicey! Even for Levi (Weakling). Well... okay, I lie, I could handle one bite.

Saaaaad.

These lovely strawberry daquiri's and pina kol-ah-da's (dunno how to spell it:P) saved our tastebuds.

We laughed, made fun of Levi, laughed s'more, made more fun of Levi... oh 'n Janelle too, she's fun to bug. Me 'n Yo, we're a tag team, "The Gruesome Twosomes".

Watch out people!

I'll come back with more stories of terrorizing people... 'n me 'n Yoyo's fun on the TIRE SWING

"Fun".

*mwahahahahha*

Written in collaberation with Yo.

Trying too hard

This was a slap in the face for me. Thank you God for letting me know... although I didn't like that at first. The words "You're trying too hard" had gone deeper into my heart and meant more than just the fact that I was trying too hard to play the guitar. Haha Dave, you didn't even know it, but your words spoken to me at Eagles Rest Retreat had dragged me out of my slumber and awoke me to the reality that I'm working harder than I should at 'perfecting' my faith.
It's been since February, and STILL I'm losing my energy, the strength in me is draining. And so, these words hit me today, again. I'm annoyed with myself. Arg, God if only we could learn things the first time. I'm sorry you got to keep drilling things into my head in order that I learn. Actually, I'm not. I am, but I'm not. I am eternally grateful for your patience. I would be lost (without you). And I am sorry, that I haven't listened. I heard it, but shrugged it off.
I'm trying too hard and gripping the club too tight. Too hard and I'm shaking. Too hard and I'm worrying. Too hard and I'm stalling. Freezing.
And with the guitar, in my strumming, just trying too hard...
I still don't understand what trying too hard has to do with my strumming, i know I am trying hard, harder than I should but... I'll keep practicing at the guitar. Jimmy Sev had encouraged me to just practice. Practice practice practice.
Hey if you say practice long enough it begins to sound weird. Practice practice practice... annoying word to say.

K whatever, so.. I'm going to figure out now... how I can just keep going, my slate is clean (everyday), just keep going.

During my hikes, I see the constant moving rivers, my heart says "Yes. I want to be like that". I look at a pond, stale and unmoving, my heart says "No. Ew. Gross. I don't want to be like that". 'N lately I just been STUCK.

Back in... December I had said
"I squeezed through the brushes, blazed some new trails in my life, working on some old ones, mostly peeled through muddy areas where I have been getting stuck. Overall, I'm bomming on life's crazy roads and enjoying it!"

Not sure right now that I'm as enthusiastic. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. Feel that I'm in the muddy and still stuck. It's been too long now. I'm in over my head I feel sometimes. 'N I need help, God's been tellin me that too. I am independant somewhat, pioneering, and God gives me the strength to blaze new trails. But right now.. I just need help.
I hate asking people for help.
Especially if it's for myself and in my weaknesses. I never want to inconvenience anyone with my problems. At least that's what the voice keeps saying to me. I know that's not truth.

Time and season for everything, guess I'm in the season for depending on others. To help me out. I'm part of a body, part of the church, I need others. I haven't been pulling away from People, I very much love them, especially being with them. In areas of my life I keep them at a distance. I open my heart only so far as to make sure I'm not being too vulnerable. Making sure I won't get hurt.
This is lack of humility.
Lack of confidence in "God's ability through me".
Sheesh, i am a coward.

'N a verse jus popped into my head the other day "Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world".
Bing! Lightbulb!
Yup, let myself believe that he who's in the world is greater than He who is in me.
*Laughs*
So that's definately kicked me in the butt and turned me the other way.
Yup. This has been my past few months. Putting energy into too much and even no energy put into anything at all. So I'll just keep going. In that way appointed.
Get unstuck.
Refrain from trying too hard. Relax.

That's good 'cause my (spiritual) muscles may soon go into spasms.
Either that or muscle cramps.

Death, swallowed up in victory

"Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?"

The sting of death is sin, and the power of the sin is the law. But thanks be to God! HE gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore... stand firm.
Let nothing move you.

Always give yourselves FULLY to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord IS NOT IN VAIN.
1 Corinthians 15:54c-58

Thank you Lord, that you enable me to surrender. No sin can hinder me from complete freedom. I am in release when I give to you all that I have.
For when I am under affliction, it is then, any sin in my life, I am more able to loosen my grip on sin.
You are my True Light.
The power of the resurrection fastens to me every morning,
every morning, a new slate. I can start clean.

Receiving power is staying power.

Isaiah 25:7-8 , Hosea 13:14