sometimes i hate homework..

I thought writer's block only comes once in a blue moon. When I'm doing a paper I don't want to do, I have the brain farts all the way through. I really want to pull my hair. Lately I have really had these weird urges... to cut my hair very short, dye it a funky color, dress out of my ordinary, jump off a building.. like with a big kite. Billy's QUEST friends went out last week and went sky-diving! I was really envious. It's become apparent to me lately though that I HATE falling. So I'm not sure if sky-diving will be checked off on my list things to do. I don't mind being up high, falling jus... urks me.
Speaking of falling, I've been encouraged a lot to fall into the arms of God. Being in His arms is okay, but peeling my fingers and my heart away from anything I've been holding onto and falling is scary.
The other weekend I went to California;) Well, some of the time we were cooped up in the convention, but I was able to see some of Sacramento and cruise the streets! The theme of the weekend was JUMP! The whole idea is to jump into the arms of God and know who He's called you to be and trust that where I'm at is good and the roads in the future I am to travel are good roads.
I was so encouraged.
Before we hit the convention, as 31 of us were travelling on the bus, I had a lot of time to think- 20 HOURS is a lot of time to think! I reflected on my life, checking in to see if I was at the right place. I felt assured in my spirit that this convention was something I needed to be at. I also felt.. DEEPLY felt that this whole ministry of God's that has to do with youth in my life should be handed over to God. I wanted to check my motives for this ministry and didn't want it to be one of those I'm doin on my own ambitions. Jennifer Phillips encouraged me in the summer also that "I'm where I'm supposed to be". "For now" I guess.
I've had the urge to travel lately. Also the urge to be ~HOME~. I really miss home. There's still a lot I have to surrender to God. So much I feel like it's hopeless. A need after need, all has to be given to Him.
On the weekend I also have seen how much I receive, receive and consume. Least I can do for God is GIVE, let him take His job as the Consumer. In giving all, I have to start with one. And then the next. And slowly all is surrendered into the hands of eternity. Eternity. We are going to be with the Lord, forever. I am fascinated at that jus now. A whole lot of joy, unspeakable peace, and reign of goodness. I'm excited.
I thank God for the wonderful speakers in California who've added to this great canvas of my mind. My teachers/mentors in lifeteams and those at CBC have added great color. Thank you God for the blackness, I am able to distinguish Your LIGHT and vass colors of beauty.
Falling into your arms is fun. And funny. Things are funny AFTER I've gone thru my brain-rattling experiences. Then I can laugh. I sense your smile and your knowing-ness. I can trust because I've fallen a lot, it's because AFTER I know that I can trust you all along. Please God, don't stop this work You're doing in me.