SO MANY THINGS ON MY MIND.

lakjdflkdfljsdklskdjflsjflskjfslkjd... this is what my brain would say if it were put into words. AAAH!
Squeekity squeek squeek squeekin'.
I love squirrel talk. It's so... squirrelly! "There's fish in my hair! There's fish in my hair!" I have fallen in love with DiSNEYS. Me and my good friend Adam have been quoting Disneys like crazy lately. Adam I love that we can goof off! Thank you, I really need that. You are awesome! There is a Drive-In Theater (Outdoor theater or somethin like that) in Aldergrove, and we're going this weekend! Me and Adam. Random movies is good, I quote Adam Kuhn "Randomnessness is greeaaat".
Kronk. LOL! I LOVE that. Funniest name in the world. I'll name my kitty that.. if i ever get one.
As of right now, it is about 3 in the morning and I cannot... sleep.
"Hey duuuuuuuude!"
"Mine! Mine. Mine."



All the voices in my head are loud anyway. I am flipping through my radio channels right now (I been incredibly annoyed at how radio stations really tire my ears out by playing the same tracks. They play the new songs 10 times a day, everyday!)... looking for some good tunes... and voices in my head are louder still. A lot has been going on.. I haven't really allowed myself some rest. Today has been one of those days where I have been i n c r e d i b l y
l
a
z
y
.
I was jus so tired! I slept most of the day. In church.. wow.. let me tell you, I was jus so easily distracted.. "Oh, hey.. look, a butterfly" sort of deal. Butterflies in my mind.

My thoughts lately: Friendship is precious.
God thank you! Thank you, for blessing us with peop's who can pour great things into our life, we pour into them. It's especially fun when someone gets you. They jus GET YOU. (((Not sure if I'm making sense.. it makes sense in my head)))
So yea, I been thinking A LOT about all friends I've made, blessed people who I have crossed paths with. I am who I am cuz of them, more powerfully cuz it's all divine appointments of God.
Wohoooo!
My other thoughts: pestering people is sssoooo much fun!
I find pleasure in bugging my sis, Trev... wrestling with people. I lose everytime. But it's still fun. I may be small but I know
"Karate Chicken!"
This kunfu is strong.
"Chicken Ceasar!"
I see a lot, especially in Lifeteams family, wrestling, pestering, fighting, fun arguing, is love.
So if I come around bugging you, you know I am getting you out of your shell 'n jus love ya! *If I don't beat on you, doesn't mean i don't love you.

I been thinking a lot about cutting my hair, been entertaining the idea of piercing my lip again.
I decided I like my hair long.
I would really love to dance.
Love to kayak.
Dirtbike.
AAh!
Grrrr..

Well,
Serenity isn't freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm.
The winds of grace are always blowing, but it is you that must raise your sails.

WONDER...

People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains,

at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion

of the stars,

and yet they pass by themselves without wondering.

-SAINT AUGUSTINE

My Family

This was taken last winter '04 in Nemiah.

L to R- Darcey, me, Trevainian who's hiding our mum Phyllis, Billy, Yolanda, cuz Junior and our dad James.

~~~

"You can do more than pray after you have prayed
but you cannot do more than pray until you have prayed"

-S.D. Gordon

~~~

Rippling out...

Every dewdrop and raindrop had a whole heaven within it.

~h.w. longfellow

Imagine a lake. It's calm. It is as still as you have never seen it before. This autumn morning has breathed some fog, it's tucked into the trees and along the shore of the lake. You are sitting on a beach of rocks. The rocks are rough and eroded, others are smooth and flat. You take a smooth stone and skip it on the still lake. The rock has sunk, the ripples go out from where the rock has carved through the body of water. The ripples go on, it takes a few minutes before the ripples mellow out to stillness.

I like to think that is our lives. The ripples on that still lake. Who we are and what we do ripples out to other people's lives. We are nudged by the ripples people make in our lives or tossed about by the waves blown by them. Whether we like it or not, we are making an impact wherever we go.

Of who we are.

And what we stand for in life.

I can imagine my life. Everyday my prayer is that in some way, great or small, the impact I make is something that lasts.

On that lake I'm moving toward something. I'm moving to the other side of the lake where the Creator stands.

On the other side of the lake where heaven dwells.

I go out from where I started. I'm not alone on this lake, in my journey. I've met many who've impacted my life, positive and negative. I have met many who experienced positive and negative things from me.

Whatever ripples out from me, I pray that it is something that is life-giving- by gentle ripples and even waves that shake the other person. The Great Spirit compells me to move in a way that the impact made on others is not ignored.

The good that pours out from me is only of God.

Always was.

As I'm moving toward my goal, my home, others are being touched and they will also see where the line of ripples trail from. The impacts I've made, they point to where I am heading.

I'm going that way because of hope.

Because of change in my life.

That change is continuing and does not stop.

I'm going because of love.

Because of One Man. And a cross.

Truths are first clouds; then rain, then harvest and food.

~Henry Ward Beecher

Great joy has welled up in my life as I walk in the steps the One who has created me.

Incredible peace harmonizes my life.

It's all in grace.

Because of grace I live,

because of grace I stand,

because of grace I am where I am.

I get to go out on the lake and live the difference He makes in my life.

TOFINO CAKES: cake of seaweed, jellyfish & other stuff

Look at that beautiful girl.
Well.. one of the trips we did with the youth during the summer was Tofino ("Tofino Cakes" as Dalton calls it), Long Beach. This was Cheryl (to the left) & some others first time to the island, first ferry experience & everything, so that was fun to be there with them for this. We left Nemiah later than we anticipated (that's no surprise) & it took a whole day to get down to the island. Lisa and myself were cruising in her car and the youth were in the van with crazy Will. I think the youth would agree with me on this one, Will met a whole lot of people on the way down to Tofino, as well as he met the whole island. Every place we stopped. It got to the point where we were jus goin to tape him to the steering wheel. I think my lil bro, Trev, kept him on his toes. Trev let's you know it when he's antsy =P.
Ferry Ride. One of our highlights of the trip! We caught the evening ferry, it's gotten dark and we venture around the ferry. We were outside most of the time because we were amused by the strong blowing wind. We had fun being blown around! Jus look at the pics, faces tell it all!

Our first nite was spent in Ucluelet. I love saying that name. Ucluelet. We came rolling into the camp at 3 in the morning. Youth groups are expected to be loud.. most of the time. We woke up our neighbors who were a couple. They didn't like us too much that week. The women let us know that.
But we got to sleep in, then hit the beach. It was so beautiful. Jus the way I remember it when me 'n Yo were in QUEST and we went surfing here. Trev, as always, was the first one in, and the last one to get out. Lisa joined me and Cheryl as we jumped against the waves and boogied with the bodyboard. We didn't have to wear wetsuits this time which made me even more happy.
We spent most of the day there, some of the guys went golfing. They saw a bear! On the golf field. That was somethin exciting for the boys.
Our evenings we spent at the camp fire. We all met a knew friend named Zoe. HE played pool with us and talked with us around the fire. He jus went surfing that day and told us about the sweet waves. LOL he swore a lot & the youth kept getting after him.
Oh yea, another friend, I got to include:
This is Willie and Lisa's "dog". Horse think hes a puppy. He follows people everywhere. And he tried to eat my cowgirl straw hat!

Anyways, back to camp. We talked forever, shared a big bag of skittles and went to bed (yes, we brushed our teeth).
Again, half the crew went to the beach and half went golfing. I went golfing this time, along with Lori, Dalton, and Nicole. Me and Lori bugged the poo out of Dalton. Some people are so "pick-able". Actually, most people. God has given me people to pick on! That's a gift of mine;) So we pestered Dalton the whole trip. He bugged us too, beat me up a few times. Some of the time we spent looking for their golfballs in the trees=not fun.
So I said I would not be Dalton's caddy. I felt sorry for the guy so I helped him out.
We celebrated our last nite in Ucluelet with a bag of skittles and went to bed. Wait... we packed up and cruised on back to...
Nanaimo! Nanaimo Bars are so gooood. We rolled in pretty late and were greeted by a drunk gal who was looking for something or was lost, I dunno. I jus remember she was drunk. We found camp, set up in the dark and went to "bed". The 8 of us in our tent stayed up and talked for awhile.
Next day we woke up EARLY and got ready to go to Victoria so we could swim and shop for the day. It took us forever cuz me 'n Lisa lost Will (he went the wrong way) and various other reasons. Finally we made it to Vic. Me 'n Lisa ran errands while the kids went swimming. I had a check to deposit and y'know what? I left my bank card back at the camp... in Nanaimo. Soooo I had to re-issue a new card cuz I needed the money ASAP. My billionth card this year.
Oh! If you haven't gone to Vic before, or have, you got to check out the Harbour (during the summer).. I think it's the harbour. They have crafts, necklaces, earings, portraits and instruments on tables! I love going every summer.
Well, the whole day was shopping. We went to Value Village, some of us dressed up and looked for whatever funky stuff they had. After we hit the mall, we scattered- ran some circles around the mall, looking for one another. By the end, our legs got tired and we cruised on over to the theaters. Duane, Nicole, Lisa, my bro and myself watched the "Super Motocross". I swear dirtbiking is one of the best inventions in the world! THAT and pen and paper and lil box they call camera to capture images! I pray there are dirtbikes in heaven.
So it's late. We needed to head back to Nanaimo, we drop by gas station, fuel up, Willy impresses strangers with his dancing, and we head out! Then it's very late, we roll in to the camp. Sleep.
The next morning, is a gong show. We have to wake up early and catch the 7 A.M. ferry. We get there seconds before it leaves and.... they can't find our reservations.
AAAAh! We wait, get some white hair, cry and pray. We pull out our hair in frustration and then it turns out it was under another persons name, so we make it on.
We are the LAST two cars on the ferry.
WHOO! *Sigh of relief* We cry again, we're so joyous! So we made it to main land, that was good. In Abbotsford we give Trev the boot. LOL actually there was arrangements for Trev to stay with Yo so we dropped him off. Then we made our way to "the Puddle".
So we were supposed to meet all the parent at Botanio Mall at 7, me and Lisa come in just after 7. We knew Willie and the gang were supposed to be ahead of us and they were not there. We waited about 45 minutes and then they showed up. It turns out we were in Cache Creek the same time, we missed them and didn't see them jus across the street. Ha.
Tofino was our big trip in the summer, I hope we can do it again. Without the gong show. But I jus know, this is the start of youth ministry. Gong show and all. Well mine sure is anyway. That's just me. Although, my scatteredness has become more gathered so... we'll see. I have my days.

But jus to say, I got to drive most of all the time! I LOVE to drive.

P.S. Thanks everyone for making this trip happen for us! The kids definately remember it.

"One springgg roll please!"

My family is here in Abbotsford for the weekend. They left "heaven" after work and drove all nite, arrived here 2:30 in the A.M! We been mostly chilling out and watching movies (Jeepers Creepers is s-t-u-p-i-d). Yo and I are trying to get our papers and books done at the same time. I HAVE TO if I want to go to Nemiah with Lifeteams, which I would REALLY WANT TO. So if you're reading this, pray for my obedience. Some of my projects are not so much "fun" to do. "My head has fallen off" and I am now jus gettin it back on. I can laugh at all this, laugh at myself, when it's all done. AFTER it's all done.

It's funny cuz through all this.. I still feel at peace. I am so relieved but uneasy about this at the same time. Should I feel so peaceful about my schooling when it's not looking so good for some classes? Hmmm.. "usually" this would CONSUME me and be one of those things that boot me "out of whack". But I'm not consumed by it. God's given me peace about it. And really, God's centered in my schooling. I'm learning all I can and trying at least. But still, God's given me this year to be at school, I am reminded to honor God in all that I do through my life, actions, work and school. And for school: I'm honoring God, honoring Nemiah, honoring me.

But anyway, yes there's a reason the picture above is there. Tonite we had take-out. Kunfu chick'n! It's been awhile since we've had chinese. It was good! So good. Really good. Because we make our food here at the apartment, we jus haven't gone out for while. And so we had chinese. It's a lil more special cuz our family is here.

You know.. being the children of James and Phyllis is such a blessing. They do so much for us. They've raised us, we are who we are because of them. They drive all night jus to spend time with us. They drive the whole 8 hours to meet our teachers for interviews. They drive forever to see us at our graduations and birthdays. I'm sure if we were in the states or even on the other side of the world, they would still come and see us. Lol I know I'm exaggerating (sp?). But they are there for us. Thank you mom and dad! I haven't forgotten...

Beautiful to me...

.....
Yahweh, You are beautiful to me.
Your beauty far greater than the angels,
further than the dance of the sunset fire,
deeper than the ocean at gaze.
You captivate me, o my soul does fly.
I, with the wind, do make my sails,
upon your breathe,
in your Son shining glory.
Your wonder brings comfort upon my troubled soul.
Your emnity draws my soul to your peace.
O Beauty does mount up your name.
Jesus... how I do love thee.
So beautiful, all your ways, my Love.
You meet me in the morning,
your warmth of kiss to my soul,
my thoughts are of you all my days,
and my every moment that i am awake.
Your wonder not due at sun break,
but it goes on in through the nights,
we walk upon the beach of my life.
We gaze at the stars you have placed.
We walk, we run, we sit, we dance.
My Lord, theres none but words I can find,
none in this world, for its not of You,
none that could describe Your beauty in my eyes.
How much more wondrous you are!
Draw me closer, draw me into Your heart...
Your beauty fills my eyes, I can only stare,
there's none that I can say but-
Jesus, You are so beautiful to me

.....

This is a psalm, a love letter. Again in my dorm room at Columbia Bible College, during my first year, I was just awed at the remarkable beauty of my Lord. When I think of God, I see more than the beauty of sunsets, more synchronizing than that of fire, the peace of that soft blowing wind... SHEER beauty. None like Him, so I have written this...

I was supposed to write a psalm for one of our trips sailing on the ocean (close to Victoria). I wrote this before I went out sailing in my room, imagining what it would be like out on the ocean, to see the sunrise and sunset.
This poem was just a foreshadow. My experience was my poem made alive to see, to hear, to breathe, but even more so because... i was actually there.

Face to face II

Transformation takes place in us when we are face to face with God Himself. We kneel before Him in prayer, the eyes of our hearts look heavenward, and the hands of our soul reach out. We converse. Not just us talking to Him and us "hanging up the phone" after we have done our requests. But rather, we first wait. We listen. In silence. God quiets the voices in our heads that seem loud. Now, forget about the worries of this world. Lay down "responsibilities" of life. Let His Holy Presence hover over you. Let Him take off the weights of the worries.. of responsibilities.. fears.. expectations.. family pressures... let go of anxiety of friendships, throw off pressures of work, pressures of school. This is a promise assured to you: "God heard them, for their prayer reached heaven, his holy dwelling place (2 Chronicles 30.27)" It's just you and God. Let Him take you on a journey- a place of peace apart from your busy world. What does that place look like? Imagine it.


My journey that He takes me to is to Himself. Jus as in the first picture you saw with the man standing before 'a great presence'. I take God's presence with me wherever I go, as if He is there right then. He's with me now. He's with you. I lose myself in Him. There's only light in Him. No darkness. When I desire to hide from the world, I hide myself in him. When I need healing, I am wrapped in God's arms. When I am afraid, His presence is with me. When I'm angry.. I vent my frustration to God or wait. Wait and let His understanding console me. One thing I would love is that in every season of my soul.. I would dance.
In lifeteams I took on the challenge of learning more about prayer and it's joy.

I've learned what prayer is not.

Prayer is not in a box.
Prayer is talking to God, in our minds or outwardly speaking. But prayer is not restricted to this. Prayer is not simply talking into a "phone" and listing off requests and then hanging up (Brad Jersak).
Prayer is time of waiting.
Prayer is a time of listening.
Prayer is creative. (Can pray through scrapbooking, painting, going for walks, etc.)
Praying in daily activities. (sports, doing dishes, driving, working)
Prayer is conversing with God one-on-one and also in groups.
Prayer is trust.
Prayer is not selfish.
Through my dancing I pray also. When God first spoke to me about this I was like.. "Huh? This can only be my wishful thinking". Every one of us just naturally move in a certain way in how we are. God's pressed into us grooves here, markings there. Differences are great! I love being with a whole lot of people, in every individual I jus see how wonderfully they are made and in some way I see Jesus in them. Dancing is natural. Not only to me. To many. Probably more than I can imagine. I know, I know! there are people who desire to dance when I'm in church, at college, or big groups. But no one does it. I got my eyes on you! I'm watching... *shifty eyes*

Face to face

Prayer is powerful. The beauty of this message has echoed all through my life. Especially in this past year I have heard that over and over again.
Prayer is something we can carry with us wherever we are- in the cities, in the country, on our knees, while we walk, with many people, when (if!) we're swallowed by fish (Jonah 2), "before the cross", before the altar, in church, in the allies, our homes 'behind closed doors', during the day, in the long nights ~By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life~Psalm 42.8
Our prayers are like burned incense, it rises up like smoke and is a sweet smell to God. All of the prayers in the world rise up and is a sweet smell to God. As said here in Psalm 141:2 ~May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.

This picture to the right reminds me of that. We are face to face with God. We are meeting with the Almighty, our soul continuing to shift to be in line with Him, life is pouring into us. Our life lifted up in prayer before God... as sweet incense. Something I also see in the picture is that as the prayers are lifted up, there's an aroma going up, like fire. There are people on the 'outside', going towards the light of the aroma, the light of prayers. Power of prayers are evident in this world.

Anna is one of the girls who I chill with at GRITS youth, she's just entered into her relationship with God. When I'm with her and everyone's singing, she often sits and listens. She tells me she loves the voices of everyone singing together. There's something beautiful about a thousand voices, or congregation full, of people when they're all lifted as one voice, on prayer, one song. I love it too. It reminds me of unity God desires us to have, a community with the same heart after God. It's beautiful. I am also reminded of heaven when I hear all the voices lifted together. I imagine the angels singing with us as we give glory to our King.

I admit, I think.. wait, I know that my prayers really do stink sometimes. There's no meaning to it. I pray for selfish reasons, or I WANT certain things from God. There's a lot of reasons prayers go stinky. Ewk. "I'm sorry God!" Doesn't mean God loves us any less or doesn't mean He doesn't want to spend time with us. Often times, it's Him wanting to spend time with us more than we want to with Him!
Prayer was a habit for me in every circumstance and I didn't sleep until I prayed. Slowly overtime my prayers were every other day and then whenever I was in need. The less I prayed, I noticed the more I had trouble in my life's walk. My actions became slower. My faith became more "work" rather than jus living it simply. I looked and looked, but did not perceive. "Aah God! I need help!" And this was the thing, I knew I could talk to God, I knew I could hear Him and knew He was listening, but.. shame. It drove me from kneeling before God. Unworthiness told me I could no longer look into the face of God.
But...
God is forgiving. Anyone who confesses wrong-doing and takes forgiveness, straps it to himself and comes before God... is embraced. They stand in GRACE. "Grace is sufficient" (vs?) He whispers "I have heard your prayer". The barrier is then removed FULLY, I imagine for those who hoped in the Lord in the Bible and I know for me, life HAS poured out once those words were spoken "I have heard your prayers". Relief like waves of peace wash over my soul and bless my heart, 'I am heard. Someone is listening'.

...

"He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him"~1 Chron. 5.20
*The prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective*~James 5:16

...

Prayer is WORSHIP. It's a gift given by God that we may go face to face with him boldly, we may receive from Him. In our prayers our heart, our soul, our mind is drawing back to God. Prayer enables us to hear from God, move with His Spirit to carry out His plan of Shalom. In prayer we are centering ourself in the One whom has made us, in prayer we are giving God glory.

Verse to pray: Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12)

-Going to Nemiah-

Lifeteams is going to Nemiah again! My year in Lifeteams was the first year YFC has taken a group to the valley, and we're invited to come again! My group LOVED it, and I'm sure this year they will love it too. It sure is a long drive there for them though! I'm quite used to it, it doesn't seem too long once you drive it a hundred times a year.
Lifeteams will be going to help out the community, plan activities for the young ones and the community, and experience life in a different cultural setting. I have been blessed to hang out with the Lifeteamers a lot, I LOVE THEM! I love that Lifeteams is family. Thank you guys for being an encouragement, I'm sure you'll enjoy your time in my home!