My clock loves 4:20

At least 10 times within the past month that I have looked at the clock, the digits had displayed "4:20" exactly. It's almost scary.
As most of you know, these digits are notoriously known for the "Drug Celebration". It's that time of the year, in the 4th month, the 20th day at 4:20 to smoke a doobie. For those who do drugs anyway.
After seeing 4:20 SOOO much, and noticing that any time between 4-5pm (or in the a.m.) that I was subtracting or adding time so that it equalled 4:20 ("Oh it's 10 minutes to 4:20", it's not like "10 after 4"), I got really annoyed about this. I started to wonder about this 4:20 a lot and find out the details about it. I decided I would do some research about this, um, 'popular event'...
You can find out most of the stuff on Urban Legends Reference page, they pretty well sum up the FAQ's about it. Haha yeah, I'm not goin to put all of that info on here. Might just be another boring blurb about something all you guys might already know.
Somethin funny though, I found it amusing that somewhere in trying to figure out what this 4:20 stuff was all about that these numbers have a "dark side". Hitler was born on 20 April 1889, and the massacre of 13 victims at Columbine High School in Colorado took place on 20 April 1999. I feel sorry for those born on 20th of April. Some peop's might pick out something that is 'wrong' with 4:20 babies and associate it with 'the dark side'. Wooooo.

Anywho, 'nuff bout that... what's been up? Soooo so so so many things. Yo is bugging me. Billy just got back from his 4 day hiking trip at Stein Valley. The other half of our family is comin out here, along with Jacky, for our grad this weekend. The end has finally come!
As for now, a lot of things are up in the air about my future for summer and September. Exciting options though. It's goin to be SO weird to not be here in September. I'm anticipating Cheryl to be with me in September in Williams Lake. She may go to Kamloops. I hope she'll be able to stay with me, she's an amazing gal.

My summer
~be home in Nemiah
~possibly work at Elkins Creek Guest Ranch
~find any job within the valley
~work at a camp...
~chill out with Tim Wade and see what plans could look like for working at YFC in the Puddle
~chill out with James and church and see what plans could look like for me working at the sweet church
~chill out in Nemiah and see what plans could look like for me working with youth in the valley and also Williams Lake
~chill out with Linda at HER ranch and see what plans could be for me maybe working with her or bringing youth to her ranch
~go on few road trips (to Abby and go with girls to Creation Fest, visit peop's)
~paint Yoyo 'n me's bedroom
~hopefully go on horseback riding trips
~go dirtbiking/quading
~a WHOLE LOT of camping
~a week with Lifeteams in August again! They'll come out most likely to Nemiah.
~visit Krissy in Dawson
~missions trip?
~look for home in Williams Lake?
~ who knows what else Lord may stir up!

September...
~possibly with YFC
~most likely working with schools... hopefully
~working with girls
~something in worship at church
~work closely with my Nemiah clan
~go reserve to reserve... meet peoples
~plan events... outdoor trips, missions
~dance!
~who knows what else Lord may stir up!

Wow, I have to definately be listening closely to God for this. I always do I know, it's just.. this future coming quickly is going to be tough. I'm excited and nervous at the same time:)
The Lord has lived up to His fame (Faithfulness), especially in my own life. I just got to remind myself of all the grace he's been blessing me with.
Prayer, prayer is my bestfriend.
Love centers my heart.
Wisdom guides me.
Grace keeps me.
Hope leads me.
Forgiveness lifts me.
Weakness leaning into Spirit.
Lord's will is my life... at least continue to make it my life.
Lord is glorifyed.

This is my surrender.
Truth and the Spirit are my wings.
Vulnerability and Availability are also my wings.

I am just so glad, forever greatful, that of all the places, Lord guided 2 of his children, John and Tracey, to Nemiah, they befriended us, loved us and shared with us the truth that set them free. I, too, then was set free.
The heartache of wandering around lost... I didn't have be in that life anymore.
I've gone from a valley with one little cute Catholic church and a handful of Christians to a place known as the Bible Belt, Abbotsford.
I think there's something significant in that. I've been able to see the 'beauty' of different people, different beliefs, different takes on life... so much variety.
I've grown so much.
Now more refined, I go back to Nemiah and... well, God'll surely show me what He wants to do.
Healing is definately a road I'm called to walk with others.
Reveal the healing that took place in my life. To share what's been so freely given to me.
Hmm... :)

Goodnight lovelys, see you tomorrow in another beautiful day.

His waters run.

The theme of my weekend at Eagles Rest retreat...
"Be still."
-Psalm 46.10-
God has told me "Quit moving around Jo."
Because for too long I been trying to be everywhere at once. Been spreading myself too thin, I haven't kept myself in my own container. My cup has been filling up, but it's been spilling out all the while I'm running to and from.

The week before the retreat God's been bringing up the power of resurrection. The fact that Jesus had risen up, when in all the world this was "impossible". Jesus did it.
Because of this we have life,
we have power as Overcomers,
we have strength in will of God
to do even more greater things than Jesus had done,
freedom from sin,
reason for living, hope for living...
All because of the resurrection!

"...and know that I am God."
God said:
"...I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
.This power we know is mysteriously at work in this fallen world. His Holy Spirit comes as water and pours down on us like rain and snow... making everything flourish. Making gardens in our lives that seem like wastelands, bringing streams to our parched lives that are like deserts.

This has been the revelation that my soul has been taking rest in.
To be at peace (I've asked for it).
Rest.
Lie still and calm myself in His presence.
To let His waters run over me.

Pickles. No, cottage cheese!

Hello. I am slacking. I am a procrastinator. I have completed my exams. Not sure how I did. We will see. Now... I have papers to hand in before end of the week. I wish they could write themselves but they can't. I am going home now. I want to eat. I'll jam for a little bit. Come back. Write more about why I chose cottage cheese over pickles. Well.. they are the same thing, but o'well. I had an amazing weekend at Eagles Rest, tell you more later. I just want to type something for the fun of it. And maybe because I am bored. Shoot... I got to call my small group girls.

Our kids

Our trip back in Feb ('06), jus thought I would put up some pic's:) I think you can click on the pictures...
Acquire the Fire's youth conference in Tacoma, Washington!
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Our youth group, GRiTS...

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34 of us crammed into 6 vans

(not sure if all of us are here in the pic...)

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Getting our stuff from stuffy vans to spacey rooms.

Sort of spacey, 7 to 8 girls in a room! That's tight.









Left: Ashleigh, Stasia, Reaco, Barbara 'n Aaron. We're waiting for the night to begin!
Right: Dan, Kaylene, Cam 'n Yoyo in the back. Still waiting.

Surprised all of us were awake at all during the conference.

Conference was encouraging the youth to stay strong in the battle.

Jeremy Camp was there along with Pillar, SwitchFoot and Grits.

On 5 hours of sleep. When there's a room full of girls, you don't sleep.

And it was cold in there!

....

Hey, Rocky and Bullwinkle highly recommend

that you go to ATF's conference next year!

Going beZerk!

I could NOT keep still the night before. I was incredibly restless, I don't understand this. I am so annoyed of this. I need help(!).
Hymph, within the past few years, well... as long as I can remember, I've been wrestling with this restless spirit in me. It just continues to "haunt" me (Yes, I am going to the extremes about this restlessness. It haunts me.). Blah. I still got a bit of strength to keep wrestling, it's wearing thin though.
Sometimes I pray (about it), mostly I'm 'neck-deep' in thought. Sometimes I scream about it. I don't yell my head off, don't worry about that. I just let out my squeel. I pull my hair. And I pace. That's the extremes of this.. disease.
Mild case of restlessness: flip through books to occupy my mind, make phone calls, put on my tunes and sing along and praise.. praise my Lord. And I ask Him, "Why, do you suppose I have this restlessness rustling about in me Lord?" And I haven't been patient enough to listen to an answer.
One of the last things I resort to in regards to steering this energy somewhere: homework. I've suffered for this. Still working on getting in last minute assignments. I've got to. We have our GRITS youth retreat to go to this weekend @ Eagles Rest (close to Mission). That will be my treat:) Before than I'll chug along, hand in my stuff:P
Ummm but that was last night! I found a bit of a cure. I got my black paper and pastels. It's soothing for me to pour these emotions unto paper. Calms me down.
Also writing. My thoughts spill out on to the pages of my journal. And stay there. Ha.
If I'm still restless, I read what I have journalled before. Capturing the feeling of where I was at before (state of peace), the power of reminder washes over me, and well I'm blanketed in peace once again.
Walks are soothing. Allows me to take this restlessness and walk it out. Fishtrap Creek is my place of adventure. Just yesterday a few geese visited me as I was looking out on the pond from the bench. They left droppings. Thanks. I took my camera along, eventually you will see my 'winged friends'. Squirrels also hopped around the streets. Felt like they were following me. Stalkers. I went across a bridge and birds sang. I imagined myself surrounded by God's choir... their song still resonates in me.
Being out in nature, God's creation, allows me to see their worship (the animals, trees, grass, leaves, dirt, rock... everything) and then I go back to college and my youth group, I also see the worship of God's children (through friendship, guitar playing, homework duties, teaching, song... everything).
Talking. Is another thing. Yoyo thank you so much for being my krutch in times I need it most. You don't know what you do for me. I love you:)
Movies help sometimes. Sleep does too:)

So eventually I dozed off. One of those things where you're squirming around in bed, trying to find a comfyness (but can't), before you know it you've slept and just open your eyes to alarm buzzing. Sleep, I beckon you to attack me at appropriate times, like 11 at night, NOT during times I'm supposed to do my homework!

Anyhow, after hitting the snooze button a lot of times, I peered out my window, and there, the sky was blue, no clouds lurking on the mountains! It felt like it was goin to be a beautiful day, I wore my skirt:)
And IT WAS a beautiful day. I’ve gone from a bezerk night to a rather pleasant day!
God spoke to me, that's always a +plus.
I was in the library, weeding through the aisles until I found a good book. My eyes caught the title "Scribbling in the Sand: Christ & Creativity", I take it out and skim the pages, "Yep, look like it'll be a good book".

Lately, my struggle's been focusing, especially in the art of living. Art of expressing the beauty of my relationship with God, art of expressing what God has revealled to me. I find that I been stuttering in my performance (of life), as my mind is scattered sometimes or I care too much of what others would think of my performance (When I feel strongly that God is calling me to somethin, I first worry about what people's thoughts would be). I been increasingly frustrated with this, sometimes I imagine even God as a harsh judge on my performance.
I was really interested in what Michael Card had to say about voices that bambarded him before he would begin to write a song. He listed his voices, these are mine:
"You can do it right the first time, if you can't do that, than what CAN you do?"
"If you can't do exactly what God imagines this art work to come out like, if you can't hit the bulls eye, what's the use?"
"Why even try? You can't weave beauty into your work of art from your scattered thoughts... you should get everything 'down pat' before trying anything"
"No one will care about what you're doing, it won't effect them"
"This job/idea/task is too big for you"
"Can you really hear God's voice and direction in this?"
"Look at your past failures..."

Michael would shift his focus. All these words have one thing in common: "you".
Creativity is not about me, not about you.
"Creative worship is one appropriate response to the heartbreaking beauty of God".
I've been learning always that in my worship to the Lord in all areas of my life, my worship is my response to him. I respond by writing song, writing poems, stories (as I been able to do sometimes on here), dance, everything.
Michael drew the picture of God's beauty so well. Beauty of breath-taking scenery around us. I saw that beauty at Fishtrap, on hiking trips, my home, the person on the computer beside me. Beautiful.
Beautiful, is a trait of God. With all my heart I feel God speaking so strongly to me through beauty. I identify it well. Each of us do. How I have loved watching others express creatively what God speaks to them. I see it everyday.
I am hungry for beauty of the Lord. I am really hungering for God.
In my worship to God, He doesn't want my 'left-over' praise, my 'left-over' work.
Because of EVERYTHING that God's done FOR ME, more than I really know, I desire to give thanks by doing my all to God. There are times I been lacking in this abounding joy to serve the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul. Especially the mind. So I'm thankful to see that as I stare at beauty of the Lord in all He's done, His detail of love... I will give back all the more. My focus is on the Lord, when I eventually find that I've lost myself in the expression of art, this creativity, my worship to the Lord... focus is no longer on me. Past is no matter in that failures are far from me as west is from east. God's not the harsh judge, His Grace overspills into my life. Peace washes over me because I know God is patient, I don't have to have the right formula to creative worship.
I smile in amusement today because God has spoken to me again through Psalms class of his beauty. Our praise to the Lord, our expression of love...
I walked out of the library, the sun still shining and I felt... beautiful. I felt lifted, released, free, hopeful, loved, loving, I understood.
About that restless spirit... I've thought on it and I've noticed that... this beauty of the Lord spills over into my life, it's then I feel so much (I hate this word, but only one I can think of) "potential", I feel so much strength in me even if I "fail", so much of everything that is Good and I want to tell the world.
I think that is a natural response that is to come out of this, as freely has been given to me, God desires me to give to others. I am to tell the world.
I remember one time as I was pondering on this restlessness, I stopped whatever I was doing and said to God "I think you want me to share the gospel".
So if I've lost you in my babbling, restlessness a.k.a. itch to share the glory of life Jesus has to offer.
Why should I keep this all to myself?
'Cuz really, I'm not meant to.

In a perfect world...

If this were a perfect world...

12.All would know, experience & live true love

11. Boring information needed to pass a grade or get a diploma could be downloaded into your head, as simple as plugging a memory chip or cord into head... eww maybe letting words written on book soak into head by simply placing the book on your head
10. Dog owners would not kiss their pets on the mouth
9. no such things as cavities
8. excessive amounts of sugar (aka chocolate, sweets) would be healthy
7. toilet seats would be heated
6. you wouldn't bite on your tongue
5. farts would not stink, maybe smell like flowers
4. no pain in the world
3. Slow cars would keep OFF the fast lane
2. Humans care about lives rather than making profit off of things, which if consumed excessively causes death (aka, away with smoking, alcohol, etc),
1. Guys would be able "read" girls (and girls understand the guys)

*this is not in any particular order...

This is not a perfect world. It's true. O'well. We got to deal with what we got. Sometimes I look at our fallen world and... I am SO overwhelmed. I'm like "God, get me out of here". And there are even times I tell God "I am glad, glad I am here and the biggest load off my back is, I'm not alone".

Hymph, "Now God, about those slow drivers in the fast lanes..."

Jammin'

Exams are next week, I'm up to my neck in homework and jamming to DC TALK. Yep it's their tunes from the 90's lol. Brings back memories. I remember being proud that our dad would let us play this "rap" music in the truck. Haha.
Today, today, me 'n Yoyo babysat this morning. We start at 9am. We WOKE UP at 9am! =S What a way to impress Melissa. Man, I jus wanted to choke myself. I jumped up from the couch (I fell asleep during a movie, Billy, Yo 'n I were watching Narnia), washed my racoon eyes, quickly brushed my teeth and we bolted out the door.
Wow, was it a busy morning. I, at FEW TIMES, had 4 babies to handle by myself. One, Tristan, in the sitter thing, next to him is Julia crying on her stomach, my left arm is carrying Mitchell who's getting restless and the 4th one is Isaiah who is crying for my attention, so I pick him up. Whoo! We had 11 kids today, 6 babies 'n 5 older ones who could run around by themself (some of them would forget the babies are there and run them over). There's usually 3 of us on duty to babysit. Yoyo, Janelle & myself.
If patience is on your list as a discipline you want to conquer, babysit the youngians.

Here's a pic of Hattie-loo,

and lil precious Jayell.

We went to Victoria to see the baby.

In the back is Hattie's mum, Tracey and sis Kaleena.So cute, I could eat her.

The nite is almost over, I got to keep this short. Ladies, I been meaning to call. As Meag's has said before, it's not because my love is fading for you guys. I LOVE YOU GUYS!
I jus got to umm let the chaos die down. But I need to talk to you guys.

Breaking through!

When it comes to facing fears, breaking out of a mold, opening up in vulnerability or anything where I would be risking being "wrong" or "weird", I'm a big chicken.
As a pioneer, I guess these challenges is what I'll continue to face in my faith. Yeah, many people have been speaking into my life about spiritual pioneering. Blazing new trails. Going where no one has gone before. God's fame (Faithfulness) has never once left me abandoned. In dreams he's been giving me, he says "I'm here". In this crazy call on my life I have had times where I had to be vulnerable and step out on the limb of faith.. sometimes it would be "too crazy" and I'd wimp out.
"Thank you God for your patience and mercy!"
Within these past months though I've held unto my hopes and fought my way through my own barriers and challenges and... it's released me. I've recongized the freedom over me that comes with trusting God in His word that He is with me and will be my strength.
I've also begun to see that whenever I have had a breakthrough, it's rippled to my relationships with others.
Their lives are being changed too.
I become more aware of His presence, breath of peace comes over me... God's making it clear in my own life the fact that everytime I make a choice it's either His road, or satan's road. The narrow or easy, the path of light or darkness...
I know everytime I have wimped out, I've felt deprived and felt I jipped myself out on blessings.
That feeling sucks. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by these feelings, it adds to my haunting history of failures. These failures taunt me, speaking some little truth that I can't make it on my own. I know I can't venture land God's promised me without listening for God and waiting for Him to tell me that "He has delivered it (the land) into my hands" (From book of Joshua), and then I can go out and conquer.
The whole concept of waiting and acting when God tells me has been my obedience practices lately as well.
The overwhelming sadness that comes from failure doesn't always take the whole of me. As of lately, I been mostly giving it to God, laying it before the cross, exchanging my fears for courage, exchanging lies for life-giving truths.
Exchanging what little I have for something that is better. And what God has is always better.
Sometimes I have to reflect on past encouragements to remind me of God's grace that I stand in and His will over my life to walk (even crawl) on path He's layed out for me.
Joy. This has been my strength in chasing after God.
Yep, it is good.

*holding breath!*

poo!
on you.
haha!
funniest thing in the intergalactic galaxy of the universe around the sun:P

whew, lame.
I have a minute to write. before compute lab closes.
Thot I would let you know I'm still alive and kicking.
Kicking a lot. Whipping darkness' butt, "I win!", more than a conquererererererrrrr-rrrr.
Umm, not so busy busy day. Sunset was beautiful! On one side of sky was the sun had set and had beautiful peachy colors. The other, stars glistening and moon half exposed. On 3rd side, clouds that really looked like waves, WAVES, washing in:)
Ummm, went on walk with the beautiful Iona Snair. Yea, we went through cute lil neighborhood area- "God's been doing this", went through FishTrap (oh no! guy is here to shut down lab! write fast!), went thru Fish Trap- "Thank God for this..."

I should be in bed. I'm not. I'll jus go home, chill with Yoyo. Have some Iced Tea. Talk. Laugh.
And I have to go:)
Adios 'migos!

Really disliking the "box".

Praise Him for His mighty deeds;

Praise Him with the trumpet sound.

Praise Him with dancing.

Psalm 150: 2-4

WORSHIP. A few months ago I was pretty frustrated. Still am.
Frustrated with the 'box' idea, that when I figure out something I put it all in a box and say "that's how it is, that's the bottom line". In this world today, worship is put into a box. Well, everything is put into a box. When I say 'worship', it's not the little word. I mean the BIG word
'W-O-R-S-H-I-P'. This 'word' that is our WHOLE LIVES, in our being and doing for God- the doing of dishes, jobs, careers, raising children, dancing, praying, relationships/ friendships, driving, schooling, singing, music, etc. I specifically put singing and music LAST because this is not the definition of worship at all.. it is part of it but definately not the whole of it.
Worship is a word made to be about music and songs we sing every Sunday or at youth nights, any kind of get togethers. lol there have been a lot of times when I've wanted to go to the highest mountain-top and scream "Worship IS NOT! about music and songs, IT IS LIFE!"
Calm down, Jo.
I've been tryin to work on calling our time of singing praises to God simply singing (and maybe dancing) praises to God. Though sometimes the word worship just comes out and I'm like "dope!"
This is not bad to identify singing soley as worship, I know, keep your claws in people:)
In my own life my eyes just been opened to the conditioning of the world and what am I doing to change it and make it more meaningful?
Maybe next time I do the dishes I would instead inform anyone asking me what I'm about to do with "I'm going to worship!"
Hmmm....
Maybe.
I just think I would personally want to get out of the box, out of the norm, and move towards.. in all my being, doing, words, and actions that I am hitting the 'bulls eye'. Saying what I'm doing and doing what I'm saying. Hymph.. dunno how to explain that clearer.
Do you get me?
Clear as mud.
Maybe a lil foggy..
Meh, just a personal hope of mine, that in this rising generation and the future one's coming (in church and out of church) the word 'worship' automatically has more meaning to it than thoughts of singing and music alone.

Anyhow I love dance. In my own church I'm discerning my attack. My attack is to break out in dance. lol... yeeeah. This kunfu is strong I know it. I have 2 peop's enlisted, my brave soldiers with me are Shailey and Reaco:)
Oh wow, how I just want to dance and break out in song.
Guys, I just been bubbling over with joy. Oh how I love Love and love and love aldjsldjsdlddkldk.
This here--->aladjfsdjfsldk, is my speaking in tongues.
You might not understand it. God does.
Anyhow, JOY be to you!