Longing to give Him everything

I know the Lord is good. Still, often I wonder if I really knew that He is good. If I really did then, trusting in Him would be no problem.
I think I know it in my mind, but actually moving out, in faith, with spirit and body as one, I know I have at least a "few times" in my life. And it was more than great. Everytime I have though, it's been no strength of mine. Somehow when I've done something, energy I haven't had before gives me strength to do whatever task is at hand. And everytime stepping out is was HARD. Think it's probably been one of those situations where a kid is about to jump off a book-case, closes her eyes, sticks her foot out, goes for it and prays to God that she can fly.
Only I know God's given me wings. And I'm under His wing.
I been observing awhile, watching everyone else try their wings out, afraid to use mine. Fear brings images of failure, intimidation, unworthyness to mind whenever I get even an inkling of courage to move towards taking that step to fly.
Everyone else looks gorgeously glorious in their faith, it's evident God is with them.
Is God with me?
Somehow or other, at times I wonder that, I always receive a message saying "Yes..."
"I'm here."
Williams Lake is... those sharp rocks and branches below me. Soaring above them, did seem difficult at a time. But I know I don't go down there alone, my Father's wing is right close.
And so far at Teacapan, God's used that to get me off the nest 'n take jumps of faith. After all, I have Maria there to ask me more about Faith and God. And before entering those doors at work, God's answered those prayers I've prayed of strength, grace, mercy, faith, trust and joy.
I've felt His blessings and living those blessings..
joy has been my strength and so everyday I love to hear that song "Today, I choose You, I give my yes to you", everday it's been easier to lift my arms, praise Him where I'm at. Even if I hadn't accomplished a lot, even when I've done too much, my God here's my songs. I don't sing all that well, I sound like more a turkey than a song-bird haha. Guess that doesn't count to a God who's created me as I am. I can sing other ways and that's just the way God likes it~

Singing my song

How can I describe my life as it has been so far? It's been pretty blessed so far.. kind of like walking the steady uphill journey with the gifts of mtns, rivers, chirping birds 'n joyous songs being sung from within with all my heart:)
Gah.. I can't even describe it. The Lord has been good to me. In my job. In my friendships. His works taking place in my own life.
'Cause honestly, I dunno what the past year was about. Discouraged, tired and exhausted in heart... things are looking up though and I feel God tellin' me that He will let me know in time what that was about.
I think it's the magic word of submission.
Giving my "Yes" to God everyday.

Today I have a meeting with Marilyn, Alta, Mary 'n Dr Theissen about Youth Outreach. I'm excited. I was doing some brainstorming late last night as to what we are doing within that Outreach.. highlighting key things God's been teaching me (integrating them into this), and awesome stuff like outdoor recreation, art, cooking etc as activities.

It's honestly relief that I'm helping someone else with this dream instead of... me guiding it. Jus because I feel like I need to be under someone else's wing before I feel steady enough to do it on my own. Speaking of which, Nemiah is looking for a Youth Worker right now too. Roger was hinting it big last night lol when we went out to the movies with Colten, Brit, Cheryl 'n Kayla
The thing is though, right now.. I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be. Taking the Youth job means moving out to Nemiah 'n I kinda want to move there in Sept or even hold that off another year.
Another thing to toss into that is the fact that I want to take my Hair-design/Esthetics program ASAP, so I can get that out of the way 'n even do that job in Williams Lake (or wherever).
Commitin' it to prayer.
That's the answer.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. ~Confucius

Teacapan Authentic Mexican Restaurant

As of this past Tuesday, I started working at this new Mexican Restaurant they have here in Williams Lake. And I happen to know the people, David and Juanita.
I know it was a God-planned-this thing because I jus ran into David 'n his family at the mall and he asked me if I was still working. I told him I was looking for another job 'n he asked me "Want to work tomorrow??" Ha, this past weekend was their BIG opening.
Working at Sam's helped me to be comfortable here 'n know what to do, woot woot! It's been awesome gettin' to know the staff already 'n I'm goin to learn how to cook home-made Mexican Food!!! Yo's jealous, I can feel it. lol jus kidden.
Oh, hey, I made tortilla chips yesterday;) Well not flour-baking powder-oven style, but I cut them up 'n fried 'em. Exciting exciting I know.

For now, me 'n Cheryl are goin' to head off to Discipleship right now. Actually now... we're late!

Jus okay with' 2 leaves on my tree?? Heck no.

So a lot has happened in my week already since I've posted that last one. Randy spoke at church this past Sunday and I was extremely encouraged. I don't think I have any fancy, life-altering "formulas" to living the Christian life but I know something's mysterious and real and amazing about submission put into action. It's a mightily powerful thing.
I'm not saying anything in the message Randy spoke was bland, boring and repetitive, but it was intrigue-ing, enCOURAGE-ing and uncomfortably close to what God's been speaking to me lately. Some of the stuff he said was even stuff I hadn't heard before. We read through Hebrews and a lot of the words my eyes came across jus jumped out at me. (Hebrew chapters 5-10 actually if you wanna read).
Jesus prayed honestly, but he also submitted honestly... were words that caused butterflies to overcome me. The fact that Jesus prayed in all honesty for the cup, the wrath, death, to be passed by him so he couldn't go through it tells us of a real man with real feelings and emotions and all. The fact that in all honesty he also submitted when God didn't take the cup, wrath, death, away tells us of our Saviors loving heart that even to death, Jesus gave his life for us.
Holy smokes.
That's heartaching, persevering, commited love.
All along, as Jesus prayed, it was encouraging to read that God the Father was listening. As it brought tears to Randy's eyes talking about the Father listening to his son's request to be "saved" from death, it brought tears to well up within me too. Jesus didn't want death. But he was willing to do what God wanted him to do and so to death he went.
Truely this showed the greatness of Jesus above all others. Above the angels, above prophets, above the leaders of this world.
He has a better ministry, better covenant, better sacrifice, and a better destination. A single life erased all people's eternity of sins.
So into detail Randy encouraged of the hope this gives us and the staying power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. He encouraged practicing the Presence of God and we will find that
confidence,
acceptance,
mediation,
and affection
to surely pour into our lives and unto other peoples lives.
New covenant/promises is lifelong obedience.

This is all primary and basic to ppl but... I've got my life to live out these truths and I'm making sense of things.
I've had such a headache over knowing God's work and abilities beyond jus what I can do. I jus know I can't do anything apart from Him. I'm still tryin' to make sense of this at a deeper level.

Okay, so the happenings in my life that has to do with this "new" strengthening power I'm drawing near too, Marilyn has been in prayer about this dream she has for the youth in Williams Lake for some time, we been talking and she believes that I have a part in this dream of hers as well!
It was strange in listening to her talk about the plans she's mapped out to make this dream a reality cause it was uncomfortably close to what dreams been whipping in my mind as well for the youth!
Right now we're working on a youth outreach program with the church 'n it involves everything from empowering seminars, activities, adventures and mentorship.
I love that when God gives you a dream, He's involving chosen people to help out so it doesn't feel so lonely! The truth "where 2 or 3 gather in my name, I am there also" is sweet to the soul.
Whispers of Hope is what the program's called. Hope spells out Helping Our People through Empowerment.
So that's what I'm doin, dreaming up all the details of this dream with Marilyn and running with it;)
Plus, I've got my girls back, Kayla 'n Cheryl! My partners in crime 'n I went grocery shoppin yesterdee, majority of it was spent goofing off 'n forgetting our list of things we've needed. 'N Cheryl 'n I jus spent a few hours talking about everything 'n anything.

Oh yea, the subject titled "Okay with 2 leaves???" has to do with drawing near to God 'n not cutting ourselves off from His life-abundent-giving power 'n not to be okay with selling ourselves short 'n settlin' for a 2-leaf faith.