Reaching the depths of my heart

I love this picture:) My heart jumped out when I first saw it.

Something moved in me and... I loved. In this I saw the heart of Jesus. A man who loved.
A man of faith, he defied what those in his day said could not happen. Especially the religious.
A man of hope- his words, his eyes, his very presence, and even his laugh swept over us a Spirit of encouragement. There is hope. Though all that we see with our very eyes is blown away like chaff in the wind, all is temporary, chaotic or messed up. There is something moving in the unseen realm.
A twinkling light. *
Even if that light seems small, it is as if that doesn't matter. This light is not drowned by it's surrounding darkness, but the light, it absorbs, it consumes, it grows. The darkness is fleeting, it cannot stay in the presence of light. The light has spilled forth.
Jesus looked over the crowds of people and his heart jumped out. His heart reached out of his yearning, his longing, his love for the people.
Jesus followed after the heart of God. He made the Lord's will his. He did nothing out of selfishness. He had an understanding of this world. He had an understanding of His Father. He compared the two. God's came out on top.
Fulfilling. Wholesome. Risky. He broke out of the mold, he blazed a whole new narrow path. A path that could be followed by anyone wanted to follow. A path that could be followed by anyone who let themselves be engulfed by the heart of God and let his own will be altered by a higher greater will. This heart, the LORD'S, willed salvation and Jesus carried it through. This heart willed completed and united souls and Jesus sent the Holy Spirit. He longed for lives fulfilled and lives lived abundently, in goodness, and he provided the way.

In freedom.

In grace.

In truth.

The light of this hope stretches out to every dark corner of this earth,

to the farthest reaches of our hearts, of who we are.

In this we are found.

This is true joy.

Let the fire spark...

.

something more...

My Thanks

My salvation came through prayer.

.......

.......

God desired me to be joined into His Kingdom. Someone vulnerable enough to let God's heart draw close to them felt what His heart longed for, and prayed for me.
This prayer moved things in the heavenly realm, in the "unseen". His light poured forth into my life. Understanding welled up in me.

God's heart reached into me, forever changing me. His Spirit permanently made it's home in my soul.

Since then I've seen life differently. I am more eager. Am inspired. Discovered a purpose and direction. Felt an uncontainable joy and unspeakable peace. Hope of this new life has given me wings. I feel my soul is an excited ball of energy wanting to dance. And not stop.
Life is more challenging. It's hard. That's what makes this adventure unique. The narrow path where few bother to tread upon, every day I'm given insight for 'possibility' and the victory of going down that road, successfully. This road is risky. It asks for vulnerability on my part.
Everyday I want to wake up, kneeled before God. Face to face with the Living God. Receiving life beaming from His presence. Renewal. Release. Hope. Endurance. Fight.
I never knew love like this before.
I've searched everywhere else.
And now I stand where my pray-er has stood, vulnerable before God.
Praying His will would be mine.
Suppressing the flesh and blooming in the Spirit.
My loved ones are on my heart. My longing goes out to all who yet do not know this incredible and majestic Creator. My King has pressed people upon my heart that I may pray...
that I may pray and that He will move again.
And again.
On until the day the gates of heaven open
and we walk hand in hand with the One who has called us by name into His Kingdom.

Even through all hopelessness, chaos, persecution or trial... His promise, this promise, still stands. It will endure. No matter what state I felt I was in, even at my worse, I was risen from death to life. I was risen from my wounded knees to my feet forgiven, redeemed, made new. This promise has been filled. It is now and continue to be fulfilled in the coming days. Our hands just have to receive it.

Soul Bleacher's Reunion

LOL! This was our club's name back in the day. We laugh about it now because it was so... cheesy. We been best friends since the diaper days. Our club was all about each other, dancing (BEST PART about our "hip club"), acting, talk about boys, God, and sisters squabbling at each other. We were inseparatable!These girls inspired me to be me. My sister's always been with me. She's my other 'half'. Dunno where'd I be without her! Honestly. She's my pillar. Both Jessie and Hattie have inspired me artistically. Jessie helped to bring me out of my "shell" and unveil strengths I have within me. Hattie encouraged me to be me and comfy where I stand. Word Tracey gave both of us was "tenacious" (sp?).
More good news! Hattie is due any minute with a baby! ^See her round tummy? It's cool to think me 'n Yo are going to be aunties. Watch out Hattie, we're going to spoil the baby!

.......

Bathroom girls: we were doin' our make-up.

Jess I think your lipstick needs to be a bit darker.

Lately we have drawn a lot closer. Spiritually too. It's kind of funny, I feel Hattie 'n I are going through a lot of the same stuff together and going through spiritual issues just the same (Our life as worship before our Lord, surrender into our Creator's hands, our "Lonely" journey, leadership... a lot). We have refined one another over holidays and when we went to Vic for the weekend. I love it! Love sharing journey with someone. It's weird. It's really mysterious.
These girls have been there when I've needed them. They're my "safety net" I fall back on. My "fortress-es" I retreat to...
PS. Probably wondering why we called ourselves the 'Soul Bleachers'... well we've thought long and hard about some sweet names to call ourselves and... came up with this. The idea is: we are Christians, we know God, love God, He loves us, and we are making a difference in the world (our valley) we are in. We are 'cleaning agents' to wash off those around us and ummm we are "bleaching souls" to be white=PURITY. We were letting them see God through us (and our performances of dance, acting, friends, etc).

~

C O M i N G....b A C K . . .
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...............................tO tHE hEART oF WORSHIP

.::Grace like rain::.

Oh how blessed are we that there would be such as GRACE that we have. We stood up in it the moment our lips whispered:
"Jesus, You are my King, take my life".
We rose up and stood up on grounds of grace, we rose up and stood before the throne of our Lord.
What set us apart from Him, our transgressions, were gone. They lay far from us as West is to East.
And His grace... like rain.
Falls on us.

...

"As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower
and bread for the eater,
...SO IS MY WORD
that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish
what I desire
and achieve the purpose
for which I sent it.
~Isaiah 55:10,11

...

Wow, I l-o-v-e that.
There's so much abundance to that.
EVERY word that our Lord speaks into our lives and for our lives, will bud and flourish. Every word spoken to the world and what will happen in the world, will be achieved by His word spoken, it will accomplish the purpose for which He sent it.
God spoke it, and it WILL happen!
It is God's desire that abundance flows, it is God's desire that we receive Him, know Him, LOVE Him, and serve Him.
At the moment the words "It is done" left Jesus' lips, the old was no more.
NO MORE!
There on the cross, the battle was fought, Jesus won it, and like a new sunrise, new life rippled out to all who would receive it.
The old is dead. The new is risen!
In today, every morning we wake up with the Lord's breath of life upon us. From long night of darkness, our eyes open to light, we awake in freedom.
We find that the shackles on our feet and hands have released us.
Even if we have served our Lord all our life, He will bring us out of what we have become numb to.
He will empty us out, as we are called to do, so that ALL OF HIMSELF could be poured into us.
Die to ourselves, walk into the new life of Jesus Christ.

...

I am that little girl. Arms wide open. Without the rollerblades. My soul soaks in the grace that so freely rains on me. The Lord has made sure that I know this. This message is not only for me. It is a message for all the nations.
The storm of the Lord will come into every place. The rain, lightning, and all the rumbling thunder. Creator of the great heavens and the earth, and all in it, is going to make His presence known.
My sister pointed out something to me. She knows when the rain is coming. There's that knowingness in the air, the scent. Because she pointed it out to me, I am aware of it now, that "scent" of the rain coming.
I don't have to look to the skies, I jus' feel it in my spirit, the rain, it is already here.

...

He came...

"When I cannot understand my Father's leading, and it seems to be but hard and cruel fate, still I hear that gentle whisper ever pleading, God is working, God is faithful, only wait"
-Streams in the Desert
...
I really needed to hear these words in highschool. I felt I was going through too much crap and... needed that breath of fresh air you get on a mountain top. I needed all the weight of this world that I was carrying to be lifted off my shoulders. I needed someone to feed my burning hunger, my thirst demanded to be quenched... spiritually.

...
I just needed to collapse. The independance I once longed for, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to depend on something and know that something would hold me up. Needed to trust in something that was worthy, something that was purposeful and... something that was right. Something that would last beyond death that would come in my later days.

...

Everything inside me ached and I could go no longer. I ran and lost my breath. I walked, aimlessly. I danced, no excitement came. Slowly I grew tired, all my strength drained from my muscles, all my excitement squeezed out from my soul. Hope flickered like a light in my heart, about to be blown out. I crawled and only made it so far.
I screamed out to the world and they kept on going. They passed me and ignored my plea of help. But the one I called "Lord" heard me. He really did.
He lifted me from the ground...

...

Footprints in the sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord, "You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?"The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you."

...

I as Jo look back upon scenes of my life and know I have been carried. I've been lifted from my knees. Lifted from crawling. Been straightened when stumbling. Been caught when falling...

All through my childhood as a new Christian, the critical time of my life in grade 10 (I walked through the hallways feeling empty because I kept God at arm's length, I finally "awoke" and lived the abundent life of embracing God and chasing after Him), there were many moments through my college years of God showing up in my times of needing Him in speaking His voice either through His words in scripture or show His face through a person.

...

Dancing in the sand

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the beach together. The Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures and returns. For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends! This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one. This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends. Now you pray: "Lord, I understand the first scene with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You." "That s correct." "...And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps; followed You very closely." "Very good. You have understood everything so far." "...When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way." "Precisely." "So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first." There is a pause as the Lord answers with a smile in His voice. "You didn't know? That was when we danced."

...

I called on Him and He came.

He came! We walked! We danced!
My soul cries a cry that only it's Creator can hear.
My heart speaks a language that only it's Creator can understand.
The me, the little girl, in the deepest part of me, reaches out and only One Hand can reach so far, her Creator.

"If we died with him, we will also live with Him;
if we endure, we will also reign with Him.
If we disown Him, He will also disown us;
If we are faithless, He will remain faithful,
for He cannot disown Himself".
2 TiMOTHY 2:11-13

Ta-daaaaaaa

Haha. I wondered if there would ever be crazy stuff that would come out of fortune cookies. Haha. I found these funny pic's and had to put 'em on.
So I opened my fortune cookie today and....
2 popped out!
I feel special.
I wonder if there is something about that when you get 2... be extra blessed? Well, I don't feel there is so much magic to fortune cookies, I think that these cookies are for fun and most of what you get anyway, in some way, tell of what most people are going through anyway.
The 2 I got read:
"If you don't make mistakes you work too little"
Mistakes is what pushes success in this world. It's weird to think. But it does. The most successful of people have had a lot of mistakes. A lot of my role models had shared there success as well as mistakes. Mistakes are a MUST.
I hated that fact last year. I was in Lifeteams and part of my experience there was failure.
Wohoo. But it runs as part of life. I had to accept that.
...
"Your heart will always make itself known through your words"
For me often times words are not enough to say exactly what my heart feels. There are even not any words that would describe what my heart wants to say.
So I have to resort to... action!
What's in my heart comes out in words but also, more so, come out through my actions. Words and actions are needed to show what's really in the heart.
...
It's kind of fun getting fortune cookies... for me, they more make me think.
I like to think.

Back to the books and into the details.

Well hellooo, here I am again.. 's been a lil while I know. I got the brain farts the last lil while so yea.
I'm back in Abby, been for a lil while, since the 29th of December:) This was our first New Years away from Nemiah, for the first two weeks I been home. Visit family, bug Trev, go skating, bug Trev, visit people at the church, watched my baby cousins get baptized, bug Trev s'more, did some spinnies with our jeep in the valley, pester Billy, a whole lot of couch potato-ing (yessssssssssssssssss), had 4 turkey dinners, get picked on by everyone (I dunno why, I'm so nice to everyone), and spent some amazing nights at Tracey and John's place with their girls.
It was really good. Talked a lot about what our King has granted in our lives.. my path is made a lil more clear..

The day after we got back from home, we went snowboarding and skiiing at Manning Park. I enjoy teaching. I helped Ashleigh and her bro Nathan to snowboard. They caught on pretty quick, I was impressed. OH! Ha this day was a funny day. Sort of. Not really. I was jus really wired that day, I had no sleep at all the night before, I was up late with Adam and Kryssi, with a lot of coffee pumped into me and a whole lot of energy drinks. This past week I haven't had so much energy drinks, EVER! So we had to meet at our church 6 in the morning. I LOVE looking at droggy faces in the morning. I was seriously the only perky person there. Think they got annoyed of me. I was quite surprised at how energetic I was that day. By 7 or 8 o'clock I was ZONKED! I could barely hold a conversation and not sure if anything that came out of my mouth made sense. Lil after 8 Amanda calls me. Haha. It went pretty good though, we talked for 2 hours and have a date on.. 14th. A phone date. Yea! Amanda, my lil "white-indian" from Ontario- I LOVE YOU!

Yo dropped me off in Burnaby on the 31st... wait. No. Ha, I mean Adam came out here to Abby picked me up at Timmy's and we drove out to Burnaby. Me and Adam spent New Years with Malevita and Kryssi, first at Mal's house and then downtown Vancouver. It was pretty good. Low-key, I like low-key and also with a bit of hype on Robson, Granville and some other places.
At about 4 in the morning (on 1st) Adam left. Forever ='(
No. He left for Calgary. For work. I miss you Adam. I'll be seeing you soon.
5 in the morning I got a call from my highschool friend Dan. LOL. We were still up watching some movies and my phone was ringing. "Who is calling me at 5 in the morning?" Haha, it was Dan. He was wishing me a Happy New Years. We had an interesting good long conversation. After that I faded out and woke up at 1. Stayed there til 5 =S
We literally didn't move, but only for food and if we had to go to pee lol.
Wow we are lazy.
Today I registered for classes. Looks like I will be a busy girl. I got 4 classes and auditing 1. I actually only need 3 to graduate this April but decided I wanted 2 more "fun" classes.
My life lately has been emphasized on prayer, worship and surrender. I concluded this is life. A christians life.
I love it.
It's amazing.
It's hard.
It's the narrow path, where few find it.
The road less travelled.
God's patience for me is what I've been VERY THANKFUL for.

My classes are: Adolescent Psychology, Hermeneutics, Psalms, and will be Effective Teaching and I am auditing Worship Leading 1. I hope I can do that with the last 2.
Yoyo is taking Prayer Ministry for me lol. For me. She needs extra classes and we are going to glean off of each other.(I just gleaked. Or is is gleeked. I'm chewing gum and this spray of spit just came out from my mouth... and all over my computer screen.. yea)
So I'm excited about this semester. It'll be busy. It'll be good.

So this entry is a whole lot of rambling. Just about what I did. Enjoy.

I'll conclude with this:

I believe a leaf of grass

is no less than the journey-work of the stars.

~Walt Whitman

I just really notice the detail our Creator puts into everything around us. It's impressive, it's beautiful, it's so... detailed. I been convicted about the detail I put into my work, my life and everything. I'm working on it.

It's a lot like ART. I'm quite anal about the detail of my art, I'm going to take that into my life.

There's an art of looking at God.

Of seeing God.

There's art of expressing God.

Also art of living God.

How am I personally an artist of God in my life?

This has been my question.

The journey-work put into grass has the same effort put into the stars. They both hold mystery. Still hold simplicity.

Our Creator has done this. He's made all these things.

~I see love pour out through the detail of everything around us. God's love. I am astounded.

Because of Love.

There's a verse in the Bible (somewhere) that says "Everything and anything done without love is meaningless". We could prophesy in the name of the Lord and have not love, it's meaningless. We could do all good deeds, if without love it's still meaningless. I could be involved in youth ministry and be propelled by duty rather than love, it would be meaningless.

Love matters in whatever and everything we do... for God.

So this is the eyes I have been trying to look at the world through, at people and at what I do. Through love.

I receive that love through the One who IS love.

This has helped me a lot cuz I am moved by love. I live for love. I die for love. I hope for love. Hope because of love. Breathe because of love.

Thanks for open eyes Lord.