Breaking through!

When it comes to facing fears, breaking out of a mold, opening up in vulnerability or anything where I would be risking being "wrong" or "weird", I'm a big chicken.
As a pioneer, I guess these challenges is what I'll continue to face in my faith. Yeah, many people have been speaking into my life about spiritual pioneering. Blazing new trails. Going where no one has gone before. God's fame (Faithfulness) has never once left me abandoned. In dreams he's been giving me, he says "I'm here". In this crazy call on my life I have had times where I had to be vulnerable and step out on the limb of faith.. sometimes it would be "too crazy" and I'd wimp out.
"Thank you God for your patience and mercy!"
Within these past months though I've held unto my hopes and fought my way through my own barriers and challenges and... it's released me. I've recongized the freedom over me that comes with trusting God in His word that He is with me and will be my strength.
I've also begun to see that whenever I have had a breakthrough, it's rippled to my relationships with others.
Their lives are being changed too.
I become more aware of His presence, breath of peace comes over me... God's making it clear in my own life the fact that everytime I make a choice it's either His road, or satan's road. The narrow or easy, the path of light or darkness...
I know everytime I have wimped out, I've felt deprived and felt I jipped myself out on blessings.
That feeling sucks. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by these feelings, it adds to my haunting history of failures. These failures taunt me, speaking some little truth that I can't make it on my own. I know I can't venture land God's promised me without listening for God and waiting for Him to tell me that "He has delivered it (the land) into my hands" (From book of Joshua), and then I can go out and conquer.
The whole concept of waiting and acting when God tells me has been my obedience practices lately as well.
The overwhelming sadness that comes from failure doesn't always take the whole of me. As of lately, I been mostly giving it to God, laying it before the cross, exchanging my fears for courage, exchanging lies for life-giving truths.
Exchanging what little I have for something that is better. And what God has is always better.
Sometimes I have to reflect on past encouragements to remind me of God's grace that I stand in and His will over my life to walk (even crawl) on path He's layed out for me.
Joy. This has been my strength in chasing after God.
Yep, it is good.