Lament

We are familiar with crying out to God. The Israelites reached out to His Faithfulness in times of need, whether in sickness, affliction, slander, war, or some other crisis. We, too, know this cry. The cry of our soul, the Lord knows it. He's the only One who can hear it, really. Our heart, it speaks a language, the One the Lord has weaved into us, only He can understand it.
From our deepest inner being- our cry, our moaning, our words, this song is drawn out of us through persecution of the soul.
We are afraid within ourselves. Isn't there someone out there who can hear me? Anyone out there who can help me?
Can you hear us God? Do you care to listen? Are you there? Have you abandoned us vulnerable before our enemy? Left to ourselves?
Our emotions, our confusions, just keep churning.
Hope seems distant. We scream "rescue". This is what we want.
But we believe "forsaken".
To be honest, this is something I like to believe sometimes.

A few weeks back, lamenting has been... lingering in the skies of my life. If you asked me a few weeks ago on what I felt about lamenting, I would have said I had no problem with lamenting. I had no problem with letting God know how I felt. I reflect on that now and feel.. I brought that a little bit too far.
I got too comfortable with lamenting and stretched too far in "freedom" of complaining to God. For that's really what lamenting is. Complaining.

We are free to lament. I don't mind it. Thank you God for this freedom. Within this, though, it's important to remember honoring God with respect. This should also be thrown into the balance of our honesty with God. If anything our God doesn't want us to be fake with Him, He knows ALL- the deepest desires and deepest hurts of us. God wants us to be honest with Him. He doesn't want our sugar-coated words or want us to beat around the bush with poeticly laced questions or feelings. He'll know what we really feel.
God I don't understand this. Where are you? Who are you? Why did you let this happen? I hate. I love. I don't like what I'm facing.. do something about it.
Last year I was having a conversation with Jesus, I felt he said that in the freedom of telling Him what we really feel... that shows TRUST on our side that we can go to our Father with anything. He can handle whatever we dish out, can handle our "wrath".
Our Father is trustworthy, we can share our secrets.
He is understanding, our tangled paths of confusion, misunderstanding, and anger, these paths could be made straight- He will counsel us through it.
We'll always be received with compassion. He is slow to anger.
To try and figure out anything by ourselves, we would just get twisted more.
To turn to the world, we would get darkened counsel.
As I've learned in Psalms class, lamenting most always end in rejoicing.
In the end of every chapter of my life I hope there would be rejoicing. If not, than definately the last chapter of my life. God is the author of it, so without a doubt, I know there will be joyous sound pouring from my lips and in my dance.
In midst of my lamenting, I can rejoice because I'm not alone.
I can rejoice because even in my weakness there is strength birthed from the Holy Spirit.
I can rejoice because warriors of the skies, God's angels, side with me.
I am heard, I am answered.
I am loved, I am not forsaken.
Most amazing, I am redeemed. Fully living salvation and working it out in my life.
So forget the belief that my cries could end in abandonment, but rather remember the promise of the Lord- His courage and strength- and may I instead cry out in abandoned praise.
When all else has disappeared and I am abandoned, I am always abandoned to the Lord. He is always there. In the end, He's all I have. And He's enough. More than enough.