So much before me...

This is my prayer today, that Jesus would ''Restore to me the joy of salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (Psalm 51:12)

Feeling a bit achy and my spirits a bit low. Now that I think about this.. asking myself why I should feel this way, and there really is no reason.
It's a beautiful day, I can see a lot of the blue sky.
I have had people around me, last night I had a great visit with highschool pals and today I'm meeting up with Sarah. We haven't hung out in the longest time. She's been on my heart and would like to see how it's been going with her. She's busy with her baby, Andrew.
Lastnight Andrew was declared "D.K.", Drool King, by Kory's sister.

I think mainly it's just that I am 'dragging myself' to be before the Lord. I hate that, it's so selfish. A lot of the time guilt and shame jump all over me and it's just too much.
Maybe it's just changing how I look at prayer.

I am before my King.
The One who has saved me from death.
Saved me from a lot of things.
He sustains me, gives me strength.
When my trust is Him, complete joy rises within and an invinsable confidence is alive in me,
I really love life then.
He is pouring His Holy Spirit like water over my parched soul.
He's holding me in His arms, I have no strength to even hold myself up.

This is a battle after all, satan doesn't like it when we are before the Lord. He knows it is powerful when we are before the Lord.
I saw this on a wall at the Eagles Rest Retreat "Making war on our knees".
At least that's what I think it said. That's what comes up when I try to remember.

But I like that. Cause it's true. I remember there been times where I feel called to pray, you know how a cat's hair rises on it's back when it suspects something, that's my soul wherever I am at.
Then there's just no desire to pray.
No willingness.
A few times I remember, I got so tired of being beat down all the time and hating the fact that I didn't want to pray, so I prayed. I knew it was bad and asked God for forgiveness. I prayed earnestly and put lil strength I had into it and was blown away at what happened.
More strength came in, I didn't know how. I prayed with the authority I had as a child of God, a princess of the Mighty King and claimed strength in the name of Jesus.

I don't know how long I prayed for..

but it was the most amazing experience I have ever had.

There was this sense of 'God-power' over me, I felt like I just won a race and came out on top. I know my soul felt like I was on wings and my Lord lifted me up from all powers of the world.
A warrior was woken up in me, the desire to pray didn't want to leave me, to be before the presence of God was where I wanted to be, no where else.

I feel encouraged even in writing this.

All I know is, there's a great call going out to all God's children in the world to meet in the throne room of God, the angels present, the earth listening,
and very few are found before the throne of God.

There are multitudes of people, many who know Jesus and His power in prayer, yet 10 out of 100 come out. I find that often I'm not in that 10.