Before everything seemed ‘short term’ with being in Nemiah for only the summer and going back to school in Sept- built into the community in ‘little ways’. Now… don’t think that has changed. Much. I know I’m always expecting to see and do ‘the great things’ in life. The great things are in the small things. That’s what I’m taking up for myself. Mother Theresa had said “You can’t do great things. Only small things with great love”.
“..WITH Great Love” has been the words being chiseled into my heart since I’ve got here.
I feared coming back here. Afraid that my old patterns of life would set in and there would be no motivation to let God use me. The deepest of me didn’t want to come back, at the same time, I really did. Mostly, I guess I didn’t feel ready to come back. Not prepared enough. Not willing enough. Not empowered enough.
I’m really good at making excuses.
But God tells me “So was Moses, so was Caleb, so were a lot of people…” (at making excuses).
“But you don’t know the plans I have for you. Not until you give yourself into my hands. Surrender. Trust Me. Hope in me. LOVE me.”
The past month I really been in the slumps. Scraping the bottom of the barrel (spiritually) so to speak. Sometimes I would just ‘wake up’ and be like “..WHY do I feel like this?” Feeling stupid when sometimes it would hit me, my reality is in Jesus, I’m in His Kingdom. “No scheme of man or power of evil can overcome my God or lord over me”. The life Jesus leads is not fantasy. It’s real.
And I am in His hands. (And really, what better place could I be.)
I thank God for people who could coach me through it.
Now, me being here, it’s no longer a fear, no longer just a “job” being here. I have red* one of Max Lucado’s chapter on letting God into every room of my soul. With air-conditioning you open vents of your home so the cool air circulates all areas of the house, the rooms that are open anyway. And this really did something for me. Was really weird. I found it so hard to give Everything up to God, and surrender all of me. But I just felt my soul let it’s walls down:) Doors were being opened within me.
I really feel refreshed:)
His waters are rushing over my parched, thirsty and hungry soul.
All I know is that everything turns out for the best. God has lived up to His fame these past few years: Faithfulness. In all my uncertainty, I know I can trust Him.
I wanted so much to get out into the world, instead of staying home, God provided. I didn’t even know where Abbotsford was, and there was a family there where God coordinated that we would be a blessing for them as they were a blessing to us.
We needed a place to board, they opened their home up to us. 5 years later, I know we can still go back there and we have a ‘second set of parents’ and another bro to bug!
Throughout my highschool, feeling drawn out and no energy spiritually. God provided.
After graduation, that fear creeps up in me “What am I going to do now???” I didn’t know that my first year college would be one of the best years of my life. Strengthening the ‘foundations of my Faith’, I didn’t know where this Faith came from. Now I feel stronger because I know ‘a bit more’.
I didn’t know how Lifeteams would be, and that too, became another one of the best years of my life. God provided. I came away with 12 friends who I’ll have for life and practical ways of living out my faith everyday. It was a hard year, but I been sharpened. That’s our verse of the year: “As Iron sharpens Iron, so one man sharpens another”.
My last year at CBC this year, uncertain and wondering how it would be, again I hit a really good year. God provided.
So now I’m standing at a new door. At the moment it feels like A LOT of doors I could walk through. Question is which door. I’m kind of feeling it out. Dipping my toes into where I feel the water is right.
I talked with Tim Wade of Williams Lake YFC, one person down, few more to go. I’ve got to call some peop’s from a church.. maybe work there?
When comes close to school, people at the schools?
Meh, God will provide. (I will forgive you if you close out of this window because of so much 'providing' words.. don't mean to stimulate you guys' eyes with it so much teehee)
We came into Williams Lake on Wednesday from Princeton, that felt weird. Me ‘n Yo had a really good talk on our way into Nemiah. That was SO good. It was about Love:)
I continue to have a deeper sense of that word.
When we got to the lookout, just before you hit the valley, there was a beautiful sunset all around us. We took that as a welcome home gift. Joy flood into me as I whispered “I’m home”.
Came back to Williams Lake this past weekend, that felt really good:) I felt right at home and there was an excitement in me saying “There’s good things for me here”.
(Through that door) Maybe I’ve already walked through it. Think I have.
K, thoughts are over, I'm out. Be watching a movie with my lil bro.
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