Holy Spirit help me trust you in this Dance

We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for.
The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love for God.
"In the Name of Jesus"
Henri J. M. Nouwen

Realized a few days ago, while I was at work, "my success" in life of faith is not about my technique, how much skill I have under my belt, but it's really all about...
the Holy Spirit.
It is the Spirit doing the work of salvation in the place,
not me.
Not me.
Not me.
Not me.
I listen, that's a pause in my dance with my Partner.
I know my Partner.
And He's the one who leads me to the next movement in our dance.
He leads me. He takes the lead. Not I.
I move, follow Him on the floor.
My floor, is Nemiah Valley.

And as of now... I am before my dance.
Have I just started? I don't know.
I am afraid to take my Partner's hand.
I think it's humiliation. What if I fall, what if I don't get it, there are better dancers than I, I'm not committed enough to this dance, I've messed up before.
I'm a perfectionist too afraid to go out on that floor.

How do I get rid of this fear?
People keep encouraging me to go out on that floor. They tug on me, even shove me out there. I keep away.
I dance the same routines I know. Slowly I know I'm getting restless and bored.
There's a conviction that I am to move on...

My teacher, my Partner is gentle, merciful, graceful and full of wisdom in this Dance...
still I don't want to dance?
I don't want to let my teacher and partner down.
I haven't gone to my dance lessons, my spending time with the teacher has become less and less. I want to get rid of this rebellious bug.
I lack understanding, I want more.
I lack the grace, I want more.
I've avoided the me God's made me to be for too long.
Getting bored with the routine of rebellion and bored with thinking I know a thing or 2 about this Dance of Salvation.
I want all that God has for me.
To learn this dance, be a good student and succeed in this Dance.

I really want to dance your dance God.
My Spirit is willing, my flesh is weak.
Holy Spirit counsel me. Give me the patience to learn this and the understanding to carry it out.